#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I worry every single day that we will be involved in a car crash and we will lose her! This started in pregnancy and still won’t go away! Just love her so much and I feel like we’re too lucky and it will all be taken away from us!
After I stopped nursing my son around 6 months i developed severe postpartum anxiety and depression. It started with me thinking I was going to die and my son would grow up motherless. The thoughts have since spiraled out of control to me thinking I am going to wake up one day seeing things or hearing voices. To me thinking I am going to get schizophrenia or psychosis and end up institutionalized and not be able to be in my sons life. I constantly remind myself that I have none of the symptoms of those disorders by my mind keeps going back to “what if”. Like what if all of a sudden I wake up and I have one of the disorders…
I convinced myself if I asked for help, it meant I was a bad mother. When I started experiencing psychosis, it made it worse. I attempted suicide two months after my daughters first birthday. My youngest is now 3 months and I still have to convince myself needing help is not the same as weak.
I was scared to walk her (my baby). I was afraid I’d leave her stroller somewhere and walk away. I was terrified of becoming those mothers I saw on the news all the time, and I would have nightmares about what everyone would say and do. For the first four months, I was afraid to leave the house because I thought I might.
I desperately need alone time and a break, but images of my baby being neglected in someone else’s care haunts me. I feel like I can’t trust anyone and I really need to take care of myself. I wish that my brain didn’t work this way and I could be normal.
Anytime anyone else (but me) holds my baby, I see flashes of them tripping and her busting her head open. I see her choking on something that she was teething on. I see her drowning if they give her a bath. I see them giving her water instead of pumped milk and it killing her. I see grisly images and flashes of my baby dying, everyday.
I think about giving away my newborn baby all the time. I research how I can put him up for adoption, and if adoption agencies won’t take him, I wonder if my husband’s parents would adopt him. If that doesn’t work out, I sometimes fantasize about leaving him at a hospital. This makes me feel like a terrible mom; who would ever want to give up their baby for adoption? The thought of giving him up for adoption makes me feel relieved and ashamed and guilty at the same time. But I can’t help but think my life and his would be so much better if I gave him away. And yet I know if he did leave my life I would be devastated. I feel so ashamed and alone.
I feel so angry when people tell me, “This will pass.” It feels like they are minimizing the agony I am in. I feel like they don’t believe me when I say “I am overwhelmed. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.” Just because I am functioning doesn’t mean I am okay. I feel the only way anyone will understand how bad I’m feeling is if I check myself into a psych hospital, and then I’ll just be judged. I’m angry at everyone who listens to me say I’m not okay and they don’t help.
I had gory, horrific thoughts about dropping my baby. I’d picture his injuries and be frozen in place, terrified to move in case he slipped out of my arms or I tripped. For months, I couldn’t do laundry without my husband watching him because I was terrified that I’d drop him down the steps.
Every time my husband could freely decide to spend time with mates, work later, assume I was handling things I imagined leaving, with our unborn baby, so he was left with our 11 month old. Then I’d only have to deal with one not two under two and feel so alone.
I’m happy having one child. For me he is enough. But I’m scared .. pressured into the thought of having more. I worry he will grow up without a sibling because I mentally couldn’t handle another baby.
I’m scared my son won’t think I’ve done enough for him. Or that he will get taken away. Even though everything is fine. I have PTSD from my own childhood. So taking antidepressants has helped me become a better mom. I still worry.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret