#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Recurring dreams of being without my son then racing home to find him dead in his swing. Constant “visions” of dropping him or hitting his head on something. I saw myself stepping off the curb and into oncoming traffic because I wanted to kill myself.
I’m scared I’ll develop psychosis and hear voices to kill my child and do it. I have images of holding my sons head under water. I imagine dropping a knife and it killing him. I worry about him getting knives or a glass and running and dying with it. On my way to daycare I prepare myself for his death.
My son is attractive but a voice in my head tells me his ugly. The most disturbing is when a voice says to touch my son sexually! It’s so distressing.
I had known about the nature of scary thoughts so when I first had my baby when I had one I would easily brush it off. It wasn’t until someone told me a story of someone else having a scary thought and the judgment they placed on it made me feel I wasn’t normal for having scary thoughts. This shot my anxiety up and the thoughts started increasing with intensity, this made me feel even more like something was wrong. I feared psychosis so with fear, my thoughts grew and grew and got scarier and scarier. The sad part is, I turned for help after the first initial thought that scared me. I saw three different therapists that were not educated ion postpartum distress and I had one nurse practioner tell me it that she “thought” it was psychosis. My anxiety sky rocketed and my thoughts increased even more in intensity. I fell into a depression due to the nature of the thoughts and the guilt and judgment I placed on myself for having them. I’m still working through it today but it’s gotten easier, especially once I found this site. If I would have just had access or a healthcare would have had access to this when I initially reached out I wonder where I would be. Regardless, I’m glad I now have this information so I can help other women not have the experience I did.
I have a premature baby girl. She weighs less than 5 lbs. I am so afraid that if i leave her side she might choke or suffocate etc. So i just stay up and watch her and feed her. I csnt think of anything else but keeoing her safe. My anxiety has consumed me and im loosing the joy of being her mom.
I feel like i am a monster when i look at the reflection in the mirror and have so much shame and guilt for having so many thoughts that my kids would be better off without me, or that they hate me and I am a failure. I also want to yell at the babies to be quite and shut up so I can have 5 minutes to myself.
I had a c section and was convinced I would get a blood clot and die and never see my baby girl grow up.
I freak out if hubby takes baby anywhere without me as I’m convinced they will get in an accident and die. I don’t want to lose the 2 most important people in my life.
A month after my son was born, my best friends & I gathered together for a low key girls night. I cornered my best friend and told her that I was afraid I’d made a horrible, horrible mistake and that I was a failure for feeling like I could ever even begin to think I could be a mother to someone. Let alone this sweet baby I’d been given who depended on me. At the time I thought it was the most shameful, despicable thing & that I was a terrible person. I know now that is was postpartum anxiety and depression relentlessly whispering at me to doubt & shame myself.
I just want to run away on some days. I dream about sitting in the car and just driving to nowhere and leaving my 3 kid for just 1 day to myself- from morning to night. The youngest being a newborn and breastfeeding- that would be terrible and I don’t think I could ever do that him.
I have a fear my baby has cancer or that both my kids do and somehow they will be taken away. I feel they are too beautiful and I don’t know what I did to deserve them.
What if the baby was dropped or thrown or was in my arms while I fell down our stairs?
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret