#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I found a lump on the side of my 4 months head and instantly doubt my motherhood along with taking myself out and the rest of my children if I had lost him to this bump. After drs visit we found out it’s a cephalohematoma. Still have doubt about the drs but with every good minute the doubts disapppear.
Having a baby is slowly destroying my marriage. Since I’m not the same person I was before my baby was born, I feel responsible for the unraveling of our relationship.
Sleep deprived and wanting my baby to stop crying I started to squeeze his arm, then immediately felt awful, apologized to him, got teary and felt like this poor helpless thing is in danger because I’m exhausted. I had my partner had to take over for a bit so I could rest.
My 6 month old daughter does strange things like hit herself in the face or cover her face with a blanket. I am so afraid that she might have autism that when she does these things all I can do is cry. We asked our pediatrician about it and all she said was that it would be too early to tell if she did, the anxiety that life might be that much more difficult for her is killing me, I can ’t stop being afraid that she will have it. Having so much anxiety makes me feel like I’m missing out on all the joyful moments happening right alongside these weird behaviors.
When my baby keeps waking up at night and won’t stop comfort nursing, my body starts aching and I get so frustrated I just imagine myself shoving her away or spanking her for it. Then I immediately feel so terrible for thinking something like that it makes my heart drop.
I don’t want another baby because I’m scared of going through this all again, then I’m worried I’m being too selfish.
I’ve pictured my son dying in a million different ways. I’ve pictured my sons funeral; what I would say, how I would act. I’ve pictured what my son looks like dead. I have a plan to commit suicide if my son does die. I don’t want to die, but I can’t imagine life without him…even though I am beyond stressed by the constant fear for his life. I hate to say but the past 7 months of my life has been the scariest time of my life. And that makes me feel guilty.
The recent kidnapping and murder in Ontario has me terrified to leave my children with anyone, but I’m so exhausted and I need a break.
I feel invalidated because even 2 months in a mother and baby unit has not stopped me being detached and unable to cope. I have secretly stopped taking my meds because I’m scared they are poisoning me. I wish I could leave my family because I am such a terrible mother, and I should never have had children. I will never be well and my husband will soon tire of me.
When my baby cries and I can’t calm her instantly, it’s like a switch goes off in my head. I just want her to shut up, stop crying. I think about putting a pillow over her face, throwing her down or against the wall. Anything to just get the crying to stop. Then I’m crying harder for thinking those things.
I constantly have a fear that I am going to trip and drop my baby over the two story bannister and if he survived he’d be paralyzed.
Every party, every BBQ, every outing means my son could die due to his life threatening food allergies. All it would take is a stray goldfish cracker.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret