#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My baby has reflux and I worry I will wake up to find him dead due to chocking on his own vomit. I also worry I might drop him or fall down the stairs and crush him.
When I’d get mad because the baby wouldn’t stop crying, I would think what if I just drop the baby and the baby would hit the floor . Or after a sleepless night and putting the baby in the car to go to the babysitters, I think what if I just left the baby outside and drove away. Or sometimes even before I had a baby I would think about just driving off the freeway overpass.
I’m due with my 4th in 7 days. The stress and anxiety I get with my other 3 have me worried. I’m scared that I will fall into postpartum depression and want to kill myself.
I have been having a lot of problems with stress, anxiety and depression the last couple of months, to the point where I have had break downs and could hardly breathe. My kids don’t need a perfect mom but they do need a happy one. I’ve completely lost myself over the last couple of years.
Am so tired and forgetful and terrified that I will make mistakes that will harm my baby… Like absentmindedly putting her in the oven or her falling out of my arms…
Sometimes i just stop mid-step and realise i feel like an empty husk. That there is nothing in me anymore and all i do is on automatic. Some mornings i don’t want to get up.. Then i think. ‘let me just feed her one last time and once the store opens someone can get her formula’ and then after that feed.. I.think that maybe i can manage the morning.. The crawl through the afternoon.. And make it through the evening…Then i spend the night trying to discover who i am. And yet worrying about all the ways i am failing.. And morning comes and i do it all over again.
When my beautiful baby boy was eight weeks old a Facebook friend shared a news story about a dad who had sexually abused his child. I didn’t read it but found the headline deeply upsetting and thought to myself ‘How could anyone do this to a child’? This one story and one question seemed to open my mind to the most awful, dreadful, scary images and the more I tried to remove them from my mind the more they came back. I was scared to hold my baby, change his nappy, bathe him, even love him for fear that I would have these thoughts. I thought it meant I was bad. I thought it meant I shouldn’t have children. I have never felt so distressed and alone. I didn’t want these thoughts but they were torturing me. I am feeling better (I hate saying that in case I bring the thoughts back) but I still have to work hard to be the me I was before I read this one news article headline.
I love babies. But I 100% sure the reality of having 6 children, 2 under 2 will kick in when this new bub is i1-2weeks old. I’m going to struggle. I’m absolutely terrified the the pp anxiety and depression iv had/still got is going to get worse. The dr has made me terrified of giving birth because he keeps reminding me at every appointment how much higher the chance of pp haemorrhage is with #6. I dunno. This week has been fucking awful. And it’s only Wednesday.
What if he isn’t smart, what if he falls victim to others manipulation because he is naive. What if he grows up and still needs us to support him but we die so he is left all alone. What if he is bullied and doesn’t have friends and doesn’t want to go to school. What if he isn’t happy with his life. What if he gets my anxiety or depression and acts on his desire to make the pain go away. What if he dies of sids and never gets to be who he is supposed to be. What if I get distracted and forget about him and he dies. What if others know that sometimes I want to forget about him and remember who I am. What if we get in a car accident. What if he stops breathing and dies in his car seat on our way to visit family. What if I rock him to hard and he gets injured.
I’ve had thoughts while I was driving of not stepping on the brakes and putting myself through the windshield, my baby was in the backseat and properly secured so I wasn’t worried about him getting hurt.
My mother just passed away and I’m so overwhelmed and tired I want some rest. I think about breaking his neck.
As I pulll into work, I think I left him out in the cold in the driveway. Also that I’m going to die in a horrible accident on my way home/babysitters.
Dropping my baby from the second floor because I couldn’t stop the crying. I could never do it but the thought happens, and then I just sit there and cry.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret