#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
What if she our he doesn’t like me back! I don’t want to be an old mother! I dont want to get up in the middle of the night! Ugh parenting some other people’s kids and then get mad how you raise them!
I try to remain cheerful , I continue to be playful and affectionate , I mother him in the best way I know how , I love him deeply, but I’m not sure my son would even realize if I wasn’t around. His world begins and ends with his dad. I’m terrified that this will never change and i’ll never be anything more than the shadow in the background that cleans up, feeds him, and arranges the house.
strong heavy screaming 9 month old baby standing up in crib 3am in refusing to lay down and go sleep, just bend your legs lie down- wish you had no legs, break your legs, wish you weren’t here Rahhhhhhhh
big one- my 3 year old fell elbow first onto my 4 week old baby face- sleep deprived etc etc i lost it. I hit my 3 year old. My baby fine- shocked but not hurt. My 3 year old fine- although in a state i didn’t actually hurt him. I felt awful went hospital got help of psychiatric nurses and social services and meds and diagnosed postpartum depression stress.
Whenever my mil do something for my newborn i fear she is going to separate my daughter from me. I feel like she is trying to be a mom to my daughter.
I had no idea what postpartum depression actually is. I had no idea that you can actually love and bond with your baby while you suffer. I thought I just sucked at being a mom and couldn’t handle the pressure.
I’m worried I don’t like my baby enough. She’s had colic and acid reflux, lots of trouble sleeping and nursing, really bad jaundice (she was on the light tables). It’s been a rough time for us and while I love my baby, some days it’s hard to feel like I like her. I’m counting down the days till she can sleep well again or crawl or sit on her own because somehow these things will make everything better, make me like her more, but they seem like a century away. And I worry that makes me unfit to be her mom. Also, I’m truly terrified of SIDS or that something will happen to my mom or husband, and I will then have to raise her on my own.
My ex boyfriend who was violent and had a psychotic episode several years ago (we broke up and he moved back to canada), stalked me online for years after we broke up. I then didn’t hear from him and I moved on and got married and had my baby. He always talked about wanting a baby. My scary thought that i get several times a day, is that he tries to stalk me again and he finds my new married name on Facebook, finds out I have had a baby and comes all the way over from Canada to kill us or have someone kill us. Or at some point, he will find out where we live and cause problems. This fear is very real to me and It has a big impact on me, i feel im always looking over my shoulder.
I am a single mother, basically by choice. I knew from the beginning that I would be raising my child alone. I loved being pregnant and being a mother. Even the crying screaming at 2am, all the poopy diapers, and spit up, the exhaustion, the struggles of breastfeeding. I’m so grateful for my little angel and for this super hard journey. I know that my life wouldn’t be complete without her. Sometimes I imagine something bad happens to her and I lose her and then I take my own life. Sometimes, I have these horribly intrusive sexual thoughts about her. It makes me feel crazy and horrible. But at the same time, I am fully aware that it’s my brain doing something weird. I’m aware that it’s not me and that I would never hurt my girl. But I feel so ashamed for having such disturbing thoughts.
I’m having chronic severe sleep deprivation. I’m getting less than 6 hrs of sleep. When I wake at night due to baby, moving, noise,etc… I am immensely angry. So enraged to the point that I’m sitting there thinking about all the ways I could (shut her up) just so I can get sleep. I want to hit things and yell and scream. I have to remove myself from the bedroom or it feels like I’m going to snap and those thoughts will become actions. So I’m sitting there crying all night because of these thoughts and the guilt and shame I feel for thinking them.
I constantly daydream about leaving my husband. Daily. He never helps, our marriage has changed drastically and I do everything in the house. He basically comes home to eat my food and goes to work. This is a scary thought for me because I am 23 and only one year into marriage. Will it always be like this?! Even if I left him, would this happen with another man?! Is this just how it is?!
I thought Postpartum OCD and psychosis were the same. I thought my intrusive thoughts of the most disturbing nature meant I’m crazy. I thought wrong. I’m not alone. You’re not a monster. They will not take your child from you because you compulsively fixate on worries. You’re not alone.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret