#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I keep waiting for the part of motherhood where everyone says it’s worth it. “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days and all I’ve eaten today are cold, half-eaten chicken nuggets, but it’s all so worth it when I look into my child’s eyes.” I don’t feel that, and I’m terrified I never will.
I only feel like a good mom on the easy days.
My son is almost 2 and it’s only now im feeling like PND is kicking in. He hits me, bites me, punches me, he prefers his father or his Nanna over me, he doesn’t listen, im constantly under stress about going anywhere with him that I’ve ended up isolating myself. Everyone keeps telling me that his behaviour is NORMAL toddler behaviour, that they pick favourites and they are challenging their boundaries, when people tell me that it just makes me more frightened. Because I cannot cope with it. I don’t feel like I have a handle on it at all, and this stage lasts years. Im afraid im going to officially loose my mind. I don’t want to parent a toddler. I don’t feel like I CAN parent a toddler.
I am afraid this is all life has to offer and I regret my decision to have kids. Washing dishes the other day with my baby on my back, I imagined a knife slipping out of my hand and stabbing me in the neck, and bleeding to death in front of her. Walking across a busy street pushing my older son in the buggy and carrying my infant daughter, I regularly imagine being hit by a car and our bodies strewn across the pavement. I also love my kids so much it hurts, and brings tears to my eyes.
I cant bring myself to even type out some of the thoughts I have had. Many times my rage towards my babies would climax overnight, when I just wanted to sleep. I would storm out of the house at some crazy hour, like 1-3 am and just run and walk around my neighborhood until I could see clearly again.
Thankfully, my husband was home at nights, so this was safe. Also, I am not a runner. It always blew mind my how much ground I could cover in these fits.
Mommas, We made it thru. You can too, get help!My youngest is approaching 6 years old!!!
I breastfeed my baby at night and sometimes I fall asleep for a bit. I wake up hysterical and scared, I feel that one day I will suffocate her, so I keep myself up most of the night and don’t sleep.
Leaving my daughter with a babysitter who has some emotional trauma.My daughter hearing or seeing horror movies, I don’t want to have her see it at all.
Any person abusing her once she starts to get older. Not eating enough (so sometimes I feel like I’m overfeeding her). A babysitter abusing her, or yelling/ swearing at her for just being a baby My baby being taken away from me by anyone. Everytime I go to work far (for hours or overnight), feeling guilty and thinking that I’m traumatizing my daughter
My mother in law will find a way to steal my baby away. She’s waiting like a beast stalking a prey. I’m constantly anxious around her. My husband doesn’t even bat an eye. I hope to get divorce or move out sooner, cause I can’t stand being around her.
I am so so scared of sids. I sit for hours and hours googling the statistics and likelihood of it happening and no matter what it never makes me feel any better. I am terrified she will catch a cold and stop breathing and I will wake to find she has stopped breathing. She’s 9 months now and honestly this whole first 9 months, all my maternity leave, it’s all been under this cover of constant anxiety and terror. I have read so many articles on SIDS and I can’t stop myself doing it. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I’m just absolutely terrified the whole time and even when I have ‘good’ days the images and thoughts are in the back of my mind. Someone coughing o blowing their nose can leave me in tears. I don’t know how to stop it.
I felt like I was guilty and bad Mother because I thought my baby got in the way because I had to feed him and that I was dying for a really long break of him.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t here. Dead or alive doesn’t matter. I wish that I wouldn’t wake up to the daily stress that my child brings. How is it that I have two totally adaptable children and one that literally brings me to my knees daily. I’ve felt for so long that I wish I hadn’t had him, and unfortunately have even told him that. I hate being his mom.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret