#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I always think of taking my child and go far away and find some rest and some privacy – as I am currently living with my in-laws. They are good but after a baby is in I think first time moms want to do things as per their wish and then they have their MIL who is constantly telling you that ‘we used to do this and this is not right for the baby etc. etc.’ this makes you feel more irritated.
While walking along a path a large truckers coming towards us. I very clearly saw/imagined logs on the trailer all rolling off as it went round and bend and squashing myself and the baby in the pram. I noticed when the lorry got closer that it wasn’t carrying logs and we were on a totally straight road. I also struggle being in a car as a passenger as I can see every time a car in fronts breaks us going into the back of them.
While sleeping I would sometimes dream about not having enough milk and watching my baby slowly starve.
My little one is 3.5 years old. Recently I’ve been having a reoccurring dream/thought that he falls off a cliff while we’re hiking.
I love my baby. But I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t picture my life without him. I often think of where I’d be if I hadn’t married my husband in the first place. Especially since having the baby.
This happens more often when the baby is up sick and crying all night but I would have thought of just dropping her on the floor or what if I just put the blanket over her face. I then feel so guilty and like an unfit mom that I would spiral and think I should just leave and my family would be better off without me.
I was terrified that I’d smother my baby in her sleep.
After I had my baby I was terrified that my dog would harm or even kill him, whether by accident or on purpose and became very averse to her. I didn’t let her within 10 feet of either of us for over a month. I felt so guilty. She’s friendly and gentle and never did anything wrong. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want her around.
Being a new mom made me face traumatic things that happened to me as a child. I have flashbacks of an angry father who was abusive and a stressed, non present mother who worked to pay bills. I am angry and depressed. I still struggle with it every day and my baby is eight months old now. I love him but it is so overwhelming being a mom. Please if you are reading this make time for yourself. After one month old, I spent almost every day imagining dying and harming my baby. It slowly got better.. I still
I need to work on my anger.
Imagining putting a pillow over your babies head….I got on meds
When we were going through colic, I would often imagine covering his face with a pillow just so I could get some quiet.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret