#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I have been exclusively breastfeeding. My little one has gotten teeth and bites me so much it’s making me lose my mind. Every time they bite me I want to throw em across the room. I feel so much guilt at the thought of stopping nursing because they take so much comfort in it but it’s breaking me.
I’ve always thought, what if I’m not a good mom; what if I ruin my child, what if?? Maybe im not ment to be a mom but I love my child to death.
Everyone keeps asking me if I will have a second child. I tell them no because I am happy with the one, but the real reason is that I’m deeply afraid of having postpartum depression again. It took me a month to love and want my son. I thought I ruined my life by having him. I can’t go through that again.
Sometimes I really hate my husband. Because he gets to be a father and not a mother.
My son’s screams are so triggering for me that I sometimes yell or scream right back and can spiral out of control. It pains me so much that I can react this way and I don’t know how to reconcile my behavior with being a good enough mom.
I’m so scared to leave my son with his father for even a few minutes to run to the store. I don’t think he’d actually hurt him, but I can’t get the image of him losing control and doing something awful out of my head.
Im already 16 months PP. But I still have PPD. Maybe bacause we live with my partners parents. And it adds to the stress. They dont help me with my baby, they only take care of the other two children which is my son’s nieces (3 and 5 months) and they ignore my son. And sometimes. When Im having a break down, I almost always spank my son on the butt or on the hand or yell at him, when he does something i dont like.like go out of our room. It stresses me out. I feel so guilty.
I struggled from birth-6/7 months to bond with my son. He was colicky, and he had terrible reflux, so the sleep deprivation really hit me like a freight train. The 3 days before I admitted myself to an inpatient behavioral health program, I didn’t sleep; I would lie awake and listen, and every little noise or move he would make would have me wide awake, thinking he was waking up and needed me. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, anxiety, and insomnia with auditory hallucinations. I was put on a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, something for anxiety, and something at night to help me sleep. I lost those first precious 6 months because I was afraid if I admitted to struggling, CPS would come take my baby away. My son is a toddler now, and everyone asks when do we plan on having a second child…I just smile and say “maybe one day, but not yet”…I don’t have the energy to explain that PPD nearly destroyed me, and that I’m too afraid of losing myself again, so we do not plan on having more kids. My child has a healthy mom now, and my amazing, supportive husband has his wife back; and that is the biggest gift I can give them both.
My perinatal depression made me feel disdain for my four year old. I didn’t want to spend time with her or “deal” with her, I just wanted to be in a hole by myself.
After sundown every cry from my baby felt catastrophic. I thought of throwing him. I saw him hitting the wall and then the ground. I thought of screaming at him. Smacking him. At sunrise that violence went away but then fear took over and I would be paralyzed by my anxiety. Every step felt like a cliff that I would fall off of and die, killing both myself and my baby.
We were on a walk and I wanted to just keep going at the intersection and put myself and her stroller in front of an oncoming bus. It took all my willpower not to step off that curb. I am so thankful that I had that ounce of willpower left.
My husband was at work and I decided I should leave my newborn in her swing and my 2 year old watching tv and leave forever, and never come back. I figured my husband would find them in 8 hours and they would all be better off without me. I would get in my car and they wouldn’t even notice I was gone because I was useless, ugly, not worthy of love, and a terrible mother.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret