#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I’m often tempted to get in my car, drive away, and never come back. I feel like my family would be better off without me.
I would leave my baby in the middle of the supermarket hoping someone would steal him, and then run back over a few minutes later because I would become terrified they actually would.
About 1 week postpartum I had a horrible nightmare about throwing an unknown baby against the floor an trying to drown it. It was terrifying and traumatic. Since then, I can’t stop searching up and poring over all the recent news articles about babies and children dying. I’m certain and terrified something (??) is going to harm or kill my son, or that something is wrong with him. I can’t sleep for checking on him every 20 minutes.
That my family would be better off without me. That I am not enough.
Seeing or even thinking about people holding my daughter triggers my anxiety. All I can think about is them dropping her and the sound it would make as her head hit the floor.
The biggest thing stopping me from letting people babysit is, “What if something happens and no one tells me?”
When I looked at my child and he wasnt smiling I thought he was sad and wasn’t enjoying his life. When he scowled at me and screamed I thought he hated me. I thought I was the only one who’s child acted out or didnt show emotion. I must be doing something wrong, I cant give him enough. Hes not happy. I want him to be happy even if someone else has to give it to him. But then I learned, kids like adults, have emotions too. Like adults, they dont always smile. They are thinking. Observing. Waiting. Even happy but looking content. Kids, are much like adults, they’re just getting use to it though.
I am still so scared to be alone with my son. The first three months of his life, once my husband returned to work, were so horrible, alone all day in the house with him, he was colicky all day and all night, myself recovering, severe postpartum anxiety. I don’t know if this feeling will go away.
I’m terrified to fall in love with my baby. I think the instant I do he’s going to die. He’s 8 months.
I thought of drowning myself in the bathtub one evening just so my husband doesn’t have to feel tied down and stuck with the routine of taking care of me and my son. I also thought of cutting my wrists again.
I start thinking of what I’d dress my girls in for their funerals. What cuddly toys would we choose to keep them company. Out of nowhere my mind will start planning it.
When literally the only thing stopping me from coming up with and going through with a plan was the thought of my boys not growing up with their mother. And while that was on repeat, watching hubby manage 3 kids (& me), and thinking, “nah, he’d get along without me just fine. Look at how much better of a parent he is than me…”
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret