#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I used to have reoccurring visions of my car door opening, the seatbelt holding the car seat being unfastened, and my helpless baby being thrown from the car and run over by traffic. It made me sick to even drive, even when my baby wasn’t even in the car.
I once wanted to leave my kids at the house and crash my car into a tree just so I wouldn’t have to listen to the screaming for awhile if I was in the hospital.
I feel like I’m not a good enough mom for my son because I want to smoke or drink a daiquiri every once and awhile & I cant because i breastfeed and I love it so much I just don’t know what to do .. it’s like that’s my way of wanting to deal with the stress I’m going thru..& dont judge me. Because I would be very alert with my baby and his dad is my boyfriend so I would be ok and had help if I were To do it.. idk
I felt like she was the biggest mistake I’d ever made, not because of her, but because I felt like I shouldn’t have been a mom in the first place.
I couldn’t have knives in the house because I was afraid I was going to stab my newborn. I couldn’t bathe him because I was afraid I might hold him under the water. I imagined myself throwing him down the stairs. I hated any sharp edges like drawers being open, because I was terrified I would trip and hit his head on them. I never wanted to hurt him, I wanted to keep him safe more than anything, so I have no idea where these thoughts came from.
Strapping her into her car seat and leaving her on the porch so I could sleep.
Why did I ever decide it was a good idea to have a baby in the first place?
Even now with her as a toddler, what if I put her up for adoption because I can’t do this.
When he was a newborn, I used to secretly hope that something bad would happen to him… like that he would die in his sleep. That way I wouldnt have to be responsible for a newborn, and also not responsoble for harming him. It would just be life taking its course.
Sitting in the Walgreens parking lot thinking I could just drive away and not go back home (my mom was home with my baby while I ran errands)
Sometimes when it gets hard i always think “i wish I never got pregnant. I wish I never had a baby. I never wanted kids in the first place. I wish this would go away”
When she was first born, I couldn’t hold her. I felt no connection at all. I felt detached. Breast feeding didn’t work, and she was starving, so that increased the detached feeling. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be her mother. I thought about ending my life.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret