#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I have twins and every time I leave them alone with their grandparents I’m afraid that I will get a call that they were rushed the hospital. I imagine family members dropping them and me yelling at them. I once had a dream that Baby B was gone, she suddenly died and I woke up crying because now I try to spend as much time as possible with her when she’s the first one up. I’m terrified that something will go wrong from my my sleep deprivation.
I thought if I left her crying for too long the neighbors would call the police to take her away from me and take me to jail.
I cant “sleep when baby sleeps” because I thought I wouldnt hear her cry and shed suffocate on her tears/saliva and die. Same thing goes for during the middle night. After she’s content and goes back to sleep I continue to stay up for 30 mins- until I fall asleep so if something happens ( acid reflux or if she throws up) I can make sure I dont sleep through it so she won’t die.
I thought if I told anyone about my emergency c section or about ny daughter in the NICU they would think I was an unfit mother and have my baby taken away.
I am a new Mom, and every night when I go to sleep I worry my baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night. Some nights I’m up all night watching him because the thought is so overwhelming. I have underlying anxiety and BPD so my emotions and thoughts are magnified.
I have lots of scary thoughts. One is, I fear I am not adequate. I fear that I don’t love my baby because I’m tired and overwhelmed or I’m not good enough. I also have an irrational fear someone will molest her. I won’t let anyone change her diaper. I won’t let my boyfriend be alone with her. Sometimes I have scary images that follow these thoughts . Although they are incredibly distressing I have to remember it’s a symptom. When I’m tired it’s hard to recognize what’s a fear and what are facts.
I thought the postpartum anxiety and rage symptoms would get better as my children grew out of the baby stage. But there are times where I’m afraid I’ll hurt them. I hate how I feel after I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs. I know I need to share these things in a safe place and work on a solution but I’m afraid of being labeled a bad mom, or being judged, or having my children taken.
My fear is that I am going to die. I’m going to have cancer and a long and gruesome ending. My son will see all of it. And then I’ll be gone and will miss all of his life. He’ll grow up and never know me or even remember me. He will love someone else as a mother.
This thought started to terrify me when he was about 5 months old. And it has gotten worse to the point its an obsession. I look for signs of illness in my body constantly. Most days I’m afraid to look at myself in the mirror because I will find something wrong. A common cold is usually a deathly flu in my mind. A headache is deadly mengitis or brain cancer. My hip hurts because it is probably cancer. My heartburn is always stomach cancer. I’m terrified of touching my breasts and I examin them monthly with my heart racing and almost panicking.
I am so tired of living like this. I don’t dare planing the future. I convinced myself I’m going to die before my child goes to kindergarten.
After I had my daughter they put her in my arms to wheel me up to my recovery room and I could barely even hold her because I was so weak, and I was terrified I was going to drop her. And I was thinking “she is so perfect and so precious and shes 100% dependent on me, i cannot protect her and I don’t know how take care of her. She hates me. She hates me.”
I’m about three weeks pregnant and have a toddler and a partner who works night shifts and im on my own with both children and i am so afraid of the sleep deprivation and stress and l already have so much lack of sleep that i am going to hurt my baby, from lack of sleep. or just to get some sleep 🙁
i never had this with my first born, im so overwhelmed and on medication for anxiety and depression.
When I brought my baby home from the hospital I thought, “If she just dies then at least I could get some sleep.”
After being sexually molested as a child I had the worst anxiety I would do the same to my children. Terrible images in my mind would just pop in with no control. Even though I know I would NEVER do such a thing. Breastfeeding was a never ending battle with negative emotion and ptsd – although I love the bond it creates.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret