#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. I enjoy my kids in small bursts. I can’t be with them all day. I don’t like entertaining them all day. The more time I’m away from my kids, the happier I am. I’m tired of being a stay at home mom. I was trying to go back to work, but we had a surprise baby & now I have to do this all over again. My baby is turning two & I am starting to resent her. I didn’t like this age with my older one and I’m kicking myself for going through this again. Sometimes I wish my husband had that vasectomy a few years ago so we wouldn’t have this problem. I only enjoy playing with my little one in the morning. Once she wakes up from her nap, I’m done for the day. I just count down the hours until my husband comes home. I’ll never understand women who are just fine entertaining their children all day long. I’m struggling with two, but when I see moms with more than two, it makes me feel even worse because it shows me that they can handle more children than me. It makes me feel weak.
I worry almost constantly about climate change and how it will impact my baby’s future. I often worry that once he’s old enough to understand how dire the state of the world is, he’ll resent me for bringing him into it.
When I picked up my baby I could see me banging her head against the wall. When I went to go down the stairs I would see her falling. When I drove over a bridge with her in the back I would see us crashing over the edge. I told no one, for fear they would think these things were reality. I had these vision every day from her being newborn to several months of age.
I was obsessed that he would die in his sleep. I had a vision or dream that something happened to him in a certain onesie so I would never let anyone dress him in it at night. Once I had a vision of me thinking he was a roast chicken and cutting a piece off before realising it was him and I had cut off his hand. I had a vision of us going for a walk to the lake and what it would be like for a family to just find him in the pram alone by the waters edge. I had no suicidal thoughts. Repetitive dreams of him drowning.
Whenever I leave him alone with my husband I convince myself that my husband secretly hates me and is conspiring with his family to steal the baby away but just acting like everything is fine to my face. I search the house to look for signs that he isn’t coming back.
When he takes my photo of me asleep holding the baby I think he is taking them to prove I’m a bad mother so he can get full custody.
I worry that my husband will get angry and shake the baby while I have left them alone together.
I could just walk away from it all disappear. My family would be better off without me.
What if I just didnt turn the wheel when a band in the road comes I could just careen into traffic and it would all be over.
What if I just drowned myself? What if I just crushed my head under the mounting pressure? What if I just took all of the pills?
I have the control and the power to stay. I understand the difference between needing the pain to stop but also wanting to live my life to the fullest.
Because I’m breastfeeding, my sex drive is low and I’m not interested in sex. I also have extra weight from pregnancy and back/hip/clitorial pain from giving birth so I generally feel like crap about my body. I keep picturing my partner cheating on me and leaving us because he isnt happy with who I’ve become and what I look like.
I also am a survivor of childhood sexual assault. My abuser was my stepfather. I know he never would, but I get scared that my partner sexually abuses our baby when I’m at work. I could never tell him because it would break his heart that I was having those thoughts. He’s such a good father…
I have a hard time not holding my baby when I’m home with her alone. I will go up to a week without having a shower because I’m scared that someone is going to come in and murder her while I’m in the shower. I literally picture her being murdered, then I picture me killing the murderer, then killing myself so I can be with my baby.
I couldn’t stop wishing that I would break my leg or get seriously ill so I could go to the hospital and have a break from being a mum.
When I would change his nappy I would realise how easy it would be to sexually abuse him. This made me feel sick as I was worried that thought coming into my mind was because I wanted to do that. After a few moments I realised it’s because it’s one of my biggest fears. That I’m terrified of someone abusing him and I realised how easy it could happen.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret