Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts

It started off with my children will get sick and I can’t handle it another was leaving them with there dad and something happening they fall on they’re head then I started getting horrible thoughts after watching stupid crime shows specially Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dauhmer (I have boys) and I started getting scared that men would kidnap my boys and do horrible things to them them. It became horrible going tin public places beginning to think everyone was a predator or killer and then I over think and then wonder omg would I turn into a murder will I do things like that I started invisioning horrible scenes in my head that had me thinking I was crazy and I started to panick I felt guilty looking at my children I would think never I would never!! I love my babies I’m not a killer why are these thoughts happening to me.. I was fine two weeks ago why is this happening I was scared to be alone with my children a fear I had put in my head and it began to consume me I found this forum and I felt relieve honestly other mothers are like me they worry too they think thoughts.

That I will hold my baby so tight to stop her crying that I will accidentally smother her.

Every time I would be driving with the kids in the car, I would imagine another car smashing into us and killing me. Not them, just me.

I would think my oldest daughter was a demon!! I’m no better with my younger daughter I believe she is Lucifette !!Don’t get me wrong I love my girl’s but I screwed their head’s up!! I won’t ever be forgiven for that!!

When my daughter is shouting and crying for attention only (having already fed, changed, let her nap and played with her) I feel so frustrated I find myself getting angry. I shout at her and hold her dummy in her mouth, and then I cry my eyes out but I feel like such a bad mum. I love her to bits and I promise I’ll never do it again, but then I do. Sometimes I just want to cellotape her dummy into her mouth to get her to stop shouting. It’s so hard and the guilt is the worst bit.

I’m a Dad. I’ve dealt with intrusive OCD thoughts in the past and have done some stupid things to quiet them. My wife almost died giving birth and it really ratcheted up my anxiety. After my dd was born, I’ve worried about sexually assaulting her, electrocuting her and being driven to hold her over my balcony which makes no sense, but my mind makes reasons for me to do it. The thought was engendered when I recalled Michael Jackson dangling his baby over a balcony, and since then I’ve had the thought of me doing the same thing run across my mind when I wake up and throughout the day. My mind makes me think I have to hold my baby over the bannister to make the thoughts go away, but the thought of accidentally dropping her and her dying and me going to prison and not being able to live with myself anymore is disturbing me.

I hate breastfeeding. I hate holding my baby all day. I want my life and body back. I love my baby but please, leave my boobs alone. I need to preserve some part of myself at least. Formula is so much better than this engorgement.

i can’t stop thinking about throwing my baby across the room at a wall every time he cries and cries and starts screaming. When he is restless when i am trying to give him his bottle and won’t stop moving i feel like squeezing him so tight just to get him to stop moving, every time he won’t stop crying i start balling my eyes out i feel so hopeless like such a bad mother for even thinking these thoughts i just repeat to him over and over again “i am so sorry.”

I’m so angry, everyday it gets easier to just be mad. I use to cry when I felt overwhelmed when they were babies. But they’re both toddlers now, and I’m just mad all the time. I’m so scared I’m ruining them, my kids and my husband would be better off if I wasn’t around being sad and angry all the time. I’m just exhausted.

Some times I drop my kids off at daycare or my parents and I hope I won’t come back, not because I made the choice, but because the car goes off the bridge, or something terrible happens. And I think to myself that wouldn’t be the worst thing, they’re better off without me anyways. But then I think of not being with them and how heartbroken they would be, and I have a meltdown.

I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. I enjoy my kids in small bursts. I can’t be with them all day. I don’t like entertaining them all day. The more time I’m away from my kids, the happier I am. I’m tired of being a stay at home mom. I was trying to go back to work, but we had a surprise baby & now I have to do this all over again. My baby is turning two & I am starting to resent her. I didn’t like this age with my older one and I’m kicking myself for going through this again. Sometimes I wish my husband had that vasectomy a few years ago so we wouldn’t have this problem. I only enjoy playing with my little one in the morning. Once she wakes up from her nap, I’m done for the day. I just count down the hours until my husband comes home. I’ll never understand women who are just fine entertaining their children all day long. I’m struggling with two, but when I see moms with more than two, it makes me feel even worse because it shows me that they can handle more children than me. It makes me feel weak.

I worry almost constantly about climate change and how it will impact my baby’s future. I often worry that once he’s old enough to understand how dire the state of the world is, he’ll resent me for bringing him into it.