#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I used to love dogs. Since having children I am terrified of them, they seem unknown, unpredictable threats. I have terrifying images particularly when walking in parks. I see a dog in the distance begin to bound up to us and I imagine them sprinting at me and attacking my toddler in his buggy or getting my baby around the neck, I see the dog thrashing from side to side and I feel sick. Sometimes I can’t speak or someone else talking to me won’t snap me out of it. I avoid parks on my own, I never have a picnic in an open park and encountering dogs in public sets my heart pounding.
My toddler or baby’s crying triggers a fight or flight response in me and I get overwhelming scary thoughts if they cry for extended amounts of time, particularly at night. I want to make them be quiet and my mind always pictures me holding them by the legs and whacking their head as hard as possible against a wall to make them stop. This is so distressing. I adore my boys, when they do accidentally hurt themselves I am a wreck and can be deeply shaken up by even small bumps. I don’t know how I can have all this love and seeming aggression at once in my mind.
I’m scared I might be pregnant with Satan’s baby and I don’t want to give birth to him or her cause I’m afraid I’ll die.
I am afraid that if I don’t do everything “right” that something will happen to my baby. If I go too long without checking her while she’s sleeping then in my mind something has happened to her and she has stopped breathing because I didn’t check her to make sure she was okay. I have to touch her chest and feel her breathing to know that nothing happened to her. I am afraid if she cries too long that I am emotionally damaging her. I am afraid of taking her places and getting her off schedule. I am afraid if I leave her with a babysitter that something will happen because I wasn’t with her and selfishly went out to do something. It is exhausting.
Each time my baby cries I’m in panic. I think something bad must be happening to her – maybe she’s dying etc. 🙁 My husband keeps saying that babies cry and it’s normal. To me it’s scary. It’s scary to the point I’m afraid to be with her alone. I’m afraid something will happen to her before my eyes and I’ll be paralyzed with fear and not able to help her.
I no longer remember specifics, but I spent nearly the first year of my first child’s life afraid of scary thoughts that I would touch him inappropriately, sexually in some way.
Whenever I take the kids outside, I’m terrified of wasps because I don’t know if they’re allergic and I imagine them having an anaphylactic reaction.
I saw vidid visions of my baby accidentally falling to the floor. Out of my arms at the top of the stairs. Tumbling from her grandparents grasp. Slipping when my husband would hand her to me. Falling when friends would reposition her in their arms. And it always resulted in her skull splitting on the floor and long stringy bits of brain scattering. Like a spilled bowl of spaghetti on the floor. I saw bits of brain, almost daily, in my mind. It took all of the strength I had keep to polite conversations with family and friends going while I was was seeing these vivid visions. If they only knew.
I am a 21 year old mom. Sometimes I just want to run away and leave everything behind. I just want to know what it’s like to be someone my age. Make spontaneous weekend long plans, go to bars, date around. It’s turned into a fantasy.
I can’t lift weights when my baby is in the room because I’m convinced that somehow I will drop it on her head, even when she’s across the room and sound asleep.
After my baby suffered birth trauma that resulted in her losing oxygen at birth, I am convinced there is an undiagnosed birth injury present and have spent endless nights googling imaginary issues. It has gotten worse as she has gotten older because now I see babies of similar ages completing milestones that she’s no where close to and I convince myself there are problems rather than acknowledging that all babies develop at different rates.
I can’t do this anymore, I want to die. But I don’t want to leave my babies. Would it be so bad if I took them with me? (Thoughts at my lowest point. I have a toddler and newborn and was tired and overwhelmed with stress and anger)
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret