#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Someone is going to break in and kill us both (I’ve had nightmares about this one so many times, and it happens so many ways) Someone is going to throw him on the ground.
I believed that my partner was going to kidnap the children from me when I slept. I didn’t trust him not to.
I love my babies so much , I would be so lost without them but i am so mad and irradiated all of them time . Dad is there helps tremendously but i am so uncontrollably mad and always yelling . Sometimes i wonder whats wrong with me.
I have a new fear that my husband and I are somehow going to die in our sleep and our toddler won’t know what to do and our baby will scream until someone finds us.
I have thoughts all the time still and my son is 16 mos and I’m 5 mos pregnant with my second son. I worry about everything to the point of not being able to breathe and have disturbing images pop into my head of bad things happening to my son. His dad likes to take him on walks and I imagine him getting hit by a car, I imagine him drowning when I bathe him even though I’m standing right there, of someone breaking in and killing us, a car crash. I even fear myself, thinking what if I stab him or shake him or even molest him. What if I leave him in the car on accident. What if CPS takes him away. It’s hard for me to even think about this while he’s sitting here, I’m so ashamed because I love him so much and think he’s wonderful. Sometimes I have thoughts of jumping in front of a train to kill myself and think he’d be better off without me. I know it’s not true but I can’t help but think it at times. It drives my husband crazy and makes him think I don’t trust him to care for our son (even though he does a good job) because I am so anxiety ridden about everything he does.
I had severe PPD with my first two. With baby three, I’ve wept more over the fear of it coming back than any actual depression. Each day I feel a little more confident and hopeful that I’m “in the clear”, then I feel guilty for feeling better this time around. I’m afraid of loving him more than my first two. I’m finding healing in this baby, but it’s always tainted with guilt.
I was paranoid that I was somehow going to become a pedophile. Rationally I knew this was not possible but I had so much anxiety about breastfeeding, bathtime or diaper changes. Not being able to express this bizarre paranoia just made me more anxious about it.
My daughter was fussing and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I had the suddenly saw myself in my mind getting up and smashing her head against the wall and imagined the terrible silence that would follow. The thought passed just as quickly as it came, but it was a devastating image and I felt so scared and ashamed for having it.
Because I’m constantly afraid my baby will die, I repeat in my head “I hope you die” about my baby as way to trick fate or evil spirits so that he is protected. I have to think the worst thing possible so that it doesn’t really happen but these thoughts weigh so heavily on my mind because who thinks that about her baby even if it’s a way to keep baby safe?
6 months in and I’m convinced she’s going to stop breathing at the exact moment I’m not checking on her. I have full blown panic attack’s at night jumping up to check her and make sure she’s still breathing okay. Drowning her in the tub, dropping her in the shower. Reading the news about other babies dying and that same thing happening to her. When she’s frantic my husband takes her outside and walks her around. I secretly watch him or go outside with them because my minds convinced he’s shaking her or smashing her head against a tree or the concrete.
I constantly fear with the possibility of SIDS. My baby sleeps so well and I can never sleep because I feel I have to watch her all the time and make sure she’s breathing. It doesn’t help that before I gave birth, a friend told me about a friend of hers that lost her baby to SIDS. I sometimes may need a little break but also have a constant fear that no one is capable of watching my baby at any time. I’m scared of having her out in this big scary world.
I suffered from horrific PPD after my son was born. I was driving with him in the car when he was about a month old, and I seriously considered dropping him off with family and just finding a method of taking my own life. Weekly therapy and medication saved me.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret