#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I am very fond of my daughter, and I think I love her but I don’t know yet. She’s 5 months and i feel overwhelming guilt because she deserves my unconditional love. She got really had eczema on her forehead and I found her a bit hard to look at because I thought it made her ugly. Then more guilt. Then a ricochet in my brain between knowing she deserves more and is just a tiny, sweet helpless thing that smiles. Perhaps this is the love growing. I wonder how long it will take me to know for sure. And how much guilt u can go through.
I was blowing raspberries on her stomach and thighs and then pictured myself assaulting her. I cried.
We took my baby to the zoo, there was a deep pond in the monkey cage and I kept imagining my baby falling into the water and sinking to the bottom. We went to Hawaii without her recently and I kept imagining her being whisked out into the ocean and she wasn’t even there!! Those thoughts hurt and make my skin crawl!!!
I was so convinced I would die during birth I wrote goodbye letters. I imagine her falling and her head breaking open. I think she’ll stop breathing while my husband is on duty and he won’t notice. I can visualize a horrible car accident where her side of the car is smashed. I also think about my older daughter getting kidnapped and my older son’s bedroom getting crashed into by a truck while he’s sleeping and I’m terrified. All of these thoughts are usually at night.
When she was first born I imagined myself taking her by the legs and slamming her into the wall. I hyperventilated in my hospital bed. It still crops up, now and then. Now she’s 5 months and I freak out leaving her with anyone in case they’re a pedophile and pictures of her being abused in my mind torment me.
With all my kids, when they were newborns I used to picture myself falling over and dropping them. They would hit their heads and crack their skulls open. I always felt a bit anxious walking around holding them, especially on concrete. I couldn’t help the thoughts but it felt crazy since I used to be a nanny and definitely never dropped a baby.
I cannot do this on my own. The medical industrial complex is out to get my babe and I am the only one that stands in between them and the man.
I sometimes think that My husband and baby are better off without me and they wouldn’t miss me especially my baby because she’s only 4 months old. I’m terrified of my baby dying of sids even writing that gives me chills. I had miscarriages in the past and am always anxious & worried I’m going to “lose” another baby like I don’t deserve to be a mother & don’t deserve to have a happy family.
I’m terrified of dying and leaving my children with no mom.
I’m scared I’ll die in my sleep while my husband is at work and my infant and toddler will be alone for hours with no one.
My husband doesn’t love me anymore and wishes his son had a better mother.
I know that its wrong to smack your baby in her butt because she could not sleep or that she is being cranky.
Times where he was crying and I was sleep deprived I thought if he dies I wouldn’t care 🙁
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret