#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
That I would drown my baby in the bathtub. Put her in the microwave. I’ve thought I am never going to get through this. I have intrusive suicidal thoughts. I question what kind of person am I everyday. I’m constantly in a loop. I’m seeing a psyotherapist and psychiatrist. Hoping for better days!
I have PTSD from being in the military so when I had my son I was scared I would go crazy and do something horrible to my child. I was scared I would become one of those crazy women who stuffed their child in a microwave or the oven. I love him dearly and I would never do anything to hurt him, but to this day I still get scared of these thoughts. I felt like a horrible mother because of these thoughts, I sometimes cry when I’m alone or in the shower because I don’t want my husband to see me cry.
When I take a photo of my son I imagine looking at it after he has died, probably silently in his crib. I imagine what it would feel like for that photo to be all I can remember him by.
When I have the stroller out in a parking lot or a busy street, I imagine what it would be like for a car to hit it and run over my baby’s head. I imagine his head smushed on the ground and how I would want to die in that instant.
I had a dream that my baby drowned in the bathtub, I pulled him out and tried to revive him but it was obvious what had happened, in the dream I couldnt scream or call for help and I kept thinking how am I going to tell my husband.
She’s walking now and every time she falls I think she’s going to break her wrists, dent her head or get scratched up. But every time she proves me wrong. She gets up and keeps walking.
I avoid going out to places with people I have to talk to. People give their opinions all the time. “She will get sick walking without socks” “Her hair is wet, she will catch a cold” “she looks really pale to be your daughter” “she is really big for her age” “aren’t you afraid of germs or that she will hurt herself? *as she puts my car keys in her mouth*”. My people pleasing ways want to make these people see that I’m a good mom, I care for her so I too often make an excuse or prove to them I’m caring for her well being.
Whenever people ask me if I would like to have kids in the future I tell them “no, because I don’t like children”. The truth is that I would love to have children but I have such a crippling fear of being a bad and violent mom that I make myself sick. My instability and issues should not be translated onto someone so pure and vulnerable.
I was away for the weekend with my baby & boyfriend and every time I close my eyes I imagine someone breaking into our room and stealing her.
I have “everything” I’m a stay at home mom to a wonderful boy, we make decent money, i have a roof over my head etc…but sometimes i wish i didn’t have to wake up and be a parent. Sometimes i think well what if something happened to my son? And then i know that it would be the worst feeling in the world. Or sometimes when my son and i are having an especially difficult day, i want to take my frustration out on him but then i snap back instantly and know in a million years i would never.
I read a terrible book once where a child gets tortured in front of his mother. I keep on thinking about that scene, just that it’s my son that gets tortured.
I forget my son in the parking lot of the store and he stands there alone, crying for me while I drive off.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret