#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
When I take a photo of my son I imagine looking at it after he has died, probably silently in his crib. I imagine what it would feel like for that photo to be all I can remember him by.
When I have the stroller out in a parking lot or a busy street, I imagine what it would be like for a car to hit it and run over my baby’s head. I imagine his head smushed on the ground and how I would want to die in that instant.
I had a dream that my baby drowned in the bathtub, I pulled him out and tried to revive him but it was obvious what had happened, in the dream I couldnt scream or call for help and I kept thinking how am I going to tell my husband.
She’s walking now and every time she falls I think she’s going to break her wrists, dent her head or get scratched up. But every time she proves me wrong. She gets up and keeps walking.
I avoid going out to places with people I have to talk to. People give their opinions all the time. “She will get sick walking without socks” “Her hair is wet, she will catch a cold” “she looks really pale to be your daughter” “she is really big for her age” “aren’t you afraid of germs or that she will hurt herself? *as she puts my car keys in her mouth*”. My people pleasing ways want to make these people see that I’m a good mom, I care for her so I too often make an excuse or prove to them I’m caring for her well being.
Whenever people ask me if I would like to have kids in the future I tell them “no, because I don’t like children”. The truth is that I would love to have children but I have such a crippling fear of being a bad and violent mom that I make myself sick. My instability and issues should not be translated onto someone so pure and vulnerable.
I was away for the weekend with my baby & boyfriend and every time I close my eyes I imagine someone breaking into our room and stealing her.
I have “everything” I’m a stay at home mom to a wonderful boy, we make decent money, i have a roof over my head etc…but sometimes i wish i didn’t have to wake up and be a parent. Sometimes i think well what if something happened to my son? And then i know that it would be the worst feeling in the world. Or sometimes when my son and i are having an especially difficult day, i want to take my frustration out on him but then i snap back instantly and know in a million years i would never.
I read a terrible book once where a child gets tortured in front of his mother. I keep on thinking about that scene, just that it’s my son that gets tortured.
I forget my son in the parking lot of the store and he stands there alone, crying for me while I drive off.
I’m miserable with my SAHM routine, but I don’t tell anyone anything ever, since I have no choice. I feel SO alone. I wish I could just sleep all day & have snacks here & there, but I get up everyday with my human alarm princess & do what I have to do for her, because I have no other choice. I keep all my feelings to myself because I don’t want to burden my husband who works about 90hrs a week to take care of our household. I don’t want to burden my mom who works 12hr days 5 days a week to maintain herself & my grandmother. I don’t want to burden my MIL because she works 12hr days as well. None of them can help me. I don’t want help from anyone else. So you can see how I can feel stuck, right? The isolation is also just something else. None of my friends know what this mom life is about. They all have their busy non-mom lives to live, & they have their own emotional issues, so why bother them either? Dealing with my beautiful baby for 12hrs a day, then having the other 12hrs to do chores, maybe cook, “watch tv”, “self care”, oh and sleep. The little time my husband is around, all he wants to do is sleep, so I feel bad in asking him for help with anything other than directly dealing with the baby. And also I sometimes feel like I’m invisible because he’s always on his phone whenever he actually has energy to stay awake. I don’t regret anything having to do with our baby, but I just wish I’d be happier with the overall routine. And not feel so alone. And stuck. And drowning in my feelings.
I have so many thoughts and I can’t stop them, I also know I would never act on the ones that include me. I’m going to get into an accient and he’s going to die I’m going to look In the crib and he is going to be cold and lifeless I’m going to drop him on cement Someone is going to take him from me
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret