#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Baby just wouldn’t go to sleep after hours & hours of trying. I was just so tired, frustrated & annoyed at baby that I just wanted to squeeze him so tight just to vent my frustration.
My son is 5 and lately I’ve had nothing but intrusive thoughts of him being molested or secretly sexually abused behind my back. Although I keep him safe with trusted adults, I can’t help but think a teacher or a karate instructor or older kid in his karate class is taking advantage of him. I talk to him about his body and what’s his body boundaries and it’s still not enough for me. I’m scared every day I’m going to get a call from the school that he was sexually assaulted. I can’t talk to my husband about it because he says my son is fine and happy. It’s not even an issue with my son now, I think it’s me. I was never molested as a kid or anything but I know so many people around me that were, how did I get so lucky for that to never happen to me? What if I was saved that maybe it’s going to happen to him?! It eats me alive every day. I over analyze his behaviors everyday.
Every morning I’m scared to open my son’s bedroom door in case he’s dead. I’m never the first to go in. I can’t handle it.
Constantly feel sorry for my son. Like he’s constantly neglected and unhappy. He’s not. But I can’t stop it. It’s so overwhelming.
Sometimes when my baby won’t sleep and I’m exhausted I picture myself throwing her on the bed or throwing her across the room and it just kills me because I know I would never hurt her so why do I have these thoughts and images? There’s times where I envision myself shaking her so she stops crying or just yelling at the top of my lungs…. I can’t help but bawl my eyes out when she finally goes to sleep I just stare at her and think how could I think these horrible thoughts about my daughter? Why? I feel like such a bad mother.
I keep having recurrent dreams of my child in bed with me and everytime I would try and scoop her up into my arms she would sink further into the blankets. I would start to panic trying to grab her, while hitting my husband next to me asking if she had her. It is hard to differentiate if it is real or not upon waking, and takes me a while to calm down.
That I would drown my baby in the bathtub. Put her in the microwave. I’ve thought I am never going to get through this. I have intrusive suicidal thoughts. I question what kind of person am I everyday. I’m constantly in a loop. I’m seeing a psyotherapist and psychiatrist. Hoping for better days!
I’m scared of leaving my baby with anyone, I feel like nobody can care for my baby like I do, so much I barely shower or use the restroom. It’s gotten so bad I don’t want to go back to work with the fear of leaving my baby with someone. I’m scared of going out and being in an accident with my baby in the car, I’m scared of someone taking my baby while we’re at the store, I’m scared of anything and everything. I rather be locked in our room just the both of us
I hate to even type this, but I thought about choking my son when he wouldn’t stop crying uncomfortably, talking to my dr tomorrow, I’m scared of myself at this point.
My scary thoughts have been circling around images of me being violent against my toddler. She is going through a screaming for hours on end phase (at least I hope to god it’s a phase) and it triggers my rage/anxiety so badly. Today I keep thinking, “I think I hate her” and then end up hating myself.
That I would drown my baby in the bathtub. Put her in the microwave. I’ve thought I am never going to get through this. I have intrusive suicidal thoughts. I question what kind of person am I everyday. I’m constantly in a loop. I’m seeing a psyotherapist and psychiatrist. Hoping for better days!
I have PTSD from being in the military so when I had my son I was scared I would go crazy and do something horrible to my child. I was scared I would become one of those crazy women who stuffed their child in a microwave or the oven. I love him dearly and I would never do anything to hurt him, but to this day I still get scared of these thoughts. I felt like a horrible mother because of these thoughts, I sometimes cry when I’m alone or in the shower because I don’t want my husband to see me cry.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret