#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My baby seems so happy with everyone and I feel as if she doesn’t love me and she’d be better off with anyone else.
While pregnant, I dreamt of taking my baby on walks near the water by our house. Once he arrived, one of my most persistent intrusive thoughts was taking him to the waterfront, pushing his stroller in, and walking away. I felt panicked any time I even drove near the water, because I was so scared my body would actually do it. The first time I finally took him for a walk there, at 5 months postpartum, my hands and wrists were sore from gripping the stroller so tightly… fighting the imaginary urge from intrusive thoughts in my brain that my heart could not bear to comprehend.
I’m scared that the transients in my neighborhood will kidnap or sexually abuse my baby girl.
When my second child was born, the way I saw my toddler changed. He immediately seemed large and menacing and out to hurt my newborn and all I wanted to do was cast him out and protect my new, vulnerable baby. I had a stressful pregnancy and was worried about being able to bond with my baby but what really happened was I felt like a lost my bond to my older child and that broke my heart.
I smoke weed. I couldn’t resist anymore and last week I smoked again after struggling to stop during pregnancy. I smoked yesterday and was the only way to quiet the scary thoughts, I am hiding the fact that I had a baby to someone who supports me financially. After 13 days after delivery I am constipated and the stitches are killing me. I have thought about running away and returning to my country with and without my baby.
I was scared (currently still am) that no matter where I go I could potentially cause harm to my baby. If we went hiking I would be afraid to throw her off the edge. If we went to the zoo what if I threw her in the animal enclosure? These thoughts are crippling! I love my child so much it hurts me everyday to feel this way.
I know I won’t hurt my baby, but images of me throwing her against the wall violently and her falling down, or a chainsaw cutting her in 2 or a car smashing her skull and others; are an everyday thoughts. I’m tired of fighting them… worst is I can’t express this with no one, not even my husband! Once I had an episode where I was extremely tired and said some things related to hurt the baby, he got in high alert and was afraid to leave me alone because he thought I was able to do it because of my mental state, my lack of sleep and my rage against him! I’m a rookie mom and sometimes I just simple don’t have control!
After I had my 2nd son, I spiraled into a depression that I could not pull out of. Tbh after a while I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to be a mother. I got irritable and distant, started using drugs again. I all but lost everything I cared about. I started seeing demonic apparitions and very nearly lost my mind. I’m trying to make sense of my hallucinations.
Mines a little more than just an intrusive thought. After my daughter was born we were up for over 24 hrs. Even then I didn’t fall into a deep sleep until the night after that. However long it was, when I finally did sleep long enough to hit REM cycle, I had the most horrifying nightmare that my baby turned into a demon and I killed her (only to realize I had gone crazy and she was never a demon) After that I insisted on not being alone with her for a day or two. The dream still kind of haunts me.
I always have the thought of my baby getting cancer. I also have thoughts of me dying and leaving my baby behind. It’s an everyday struggle. I can’t enjoy life.
My baby is 13 months old and I still bring her to sleep in our room every night. We were separated at birth due to complications and she spent the 1st few days in the NICU, so while I tell everyone that it’s because it’s easier for me, it’s really because I’m terrified that we never had proper attachment and if she doesn’t sleep next to me, she will think I abandoned her.
When my children are screaming in the car I want to drive full speed into a light pole or into oncoming traffic. The stress is acute and sharp and the thoughts are terrifying. Telling someone I trust helps, but the thoughts are so big and loud sometimes.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret