#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I picture myself falling down the stairs and either breaking my back and dying and my son left alone (sometimes in his high chair and sometimes roaming free). What if I died and my son is all alone until his dad comes home.
Waiting at a cross walk with the baby in a stroller watching cars speed through the intersection thinking I would let go & the stroller would just roll into the intersection.
Thinking I would drop my baby….on concrete, down the stairs, etc. Thinking about getting into an accident while driving that would kill me.
This is definitely the best time of my life. The Best. Crap if I know why it feels so bad most of the time. I have no doubt I am doing everything wrong. I have no doubt I will be a total disappointment to my child.
I constantly think my baby is dead when they’re sleeping. I am a nurse and I fear that I will find them dead and have to start CPR only to fail and have them gone forever.
As a husband of a wife with PPD we now identified, and learning of the #speakthesecret initiative (which I will wholeheartedly advocate), I think of this Bjork song “Hyper-Ballad” that always seemed to me to be written about her experience being a mother to her son.
I keep thinking about my 3 month old baby being hurt or killed. Sometimes accidental, sometimes intentionally by me. I check her breathing about every hour or two at night. And sometimes the thoughts and urges to hurt her get so strong that I’m changing how I am with her. For example, yesterday I decided to try taking a bath with her to bond and relax. But I kept thinking about drowning her. Just taking her and dunking her and what it’d feel like and would I stop when she flailed. Some voice in my head kept saying ‘try it! Just try it and see what happens!’ I got so scared that we got out of the bath immediately. I’m trying to be open about it with my support people because I think it’ll help. I’m afraid to be alone with her and I’m a single mom so not much choice there.
I’m so afraid that my mother in law will turn my baby against me some day. When she’s around she acts like he is HER baby. She’s never liked me.
At the hospital after I delivered my son, I wouldn’t let them take him out of my room because I was afraid I wouldn’t remember his face and he would be switched with another baby. My husband said he had his face memorized. I felt like the worst and only mother who didn’t know her own baby.
I thought that something unrealistic and out of my control would harm or kill my baby. I had dreams of cars plowing though my wall, or my baby falling into the ocean, or me becoming unhinged and throwing my baby. I stayed awake for days at a time staring at my baby breathing, trying to find some area in our house where I thought no cars could bust through the wall and no tree branches could crash through the roof.
I would have recurring thoughts that I was going to die while being home alone with my infant son and he would be alone until his father came home from work to find me dead and our son crying. These haven’t gone away in over a year.
I’m afraid I’ll hurt my baby. Not because I don’t love him, I’m not even a violent person. But I’m tired. Everyday. Tired of rocking, feeding, changing, listening to crying, trying to figure out what’s wrong, trying to fix it…rocking, feeding …. and I’m just tired if it. What if I snap? And hurt my baby?
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret