#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
After becoming a mom for the second time, I don’t think I’m good enough for my children. I feel that I’m a bad mother if I go to work, but my husband goes to work and he’s a great father.
I resent my husband for making me a mom. I’m not being the mom my son deserves because I never wanted to be a mom in the first place. I want to run away every single day.
I feel like anyone that holds my son is trying or going to take him from me, even my own family…I always get nervous and want to cry seeing him in someone else’s arms.
All of my scary thoughts involved the car. I had this vivid image of the baby bursting into a fire ball and shooting out of the car window. I also had these imaginations of driving and suddenly seeing my baby out on the sidewalk and no way to get to her. Part of me knew they were completely unrealistic, but the other part of me would be sent into a crippling, cant breathe, tear-filled terror.
I hate leaving my son. What if something bad happens when he isn’t in my care? And I wasn’t there to help him. I would never forgive myself.
We lived in an apartment. Second floor. I was scared I throw my baby off the porch when she cried.
I have a six month old and any small pain, or odd sensation in my body really, immediately causes my hypochondriac tendencies power up. Motherhood has supercharged this health anxiety – the scary thoughts that used to whisper to me suddenly got their hands on a megaphone. I worry about having an undiagnosed heart problem or experiencing a symptom that somehow reveals I have cancer. In the span of 13 seconds today, I wondered if my husband would have more children if he remarried when I died. I wondered if I would write my daughter a letter to share my accrued wisdom since I wouldn’t be there to watch her grow up. I picture myself in a chemotherapy clinic, crying because I was realizing I may not watch my daughter graduate. I fixate on these incredibly dark thoughts. I don’t even know how I think them so quickly? I hate them so much. And I genuinely feed sad I have them. If someone else were to tell me they were having thoughts like this, I would just feel so incredibly sad that the world seemed like an impending life threatening catatrasophe to them. To live with an overwhelming feeling of medical doom, about to change your life forever and your child’s life forever, is to miss so much joy.
My children would get kidnapped. My baby would suffocate at night. They would choke and I wouldn’t be able to save them. I would accidentally drive off the side of the road and down the embankment and they would all die. I am terrified of so many things all day that I think sleeping is better but then I just stress about all the things that could happen while they are sleeping.
My in laws just got a new pool and I keep imagining finding my toddler at the bottom of it, no one realizing he even got outside.
We live in a place with hot summers, and my baby was born in August. I was terrified that I would get her buckled into her carseat and as I went around to the driver’s side to get in, I would be killed by a passing car and no one would see my baby in the back and she would die in there, in the hot car.
What if I die before my husband learns my sons schedule/routine/food. What if I die and my son is still breastfeeding to sleep. What if I die and my husband doesn’t understand gentle parenting and doesn’t get him to the right school or activities or care. What if I die and he never remembers me.
I kept having the image of my tiny newborn baby being dropped by someone else holding him. I kept thinking of his little head hitting the tile and would cringe at the thought of the noise it would make. I don’t think anyone even knew this. Actually I know no one did. I was afraid to let anyone hold him. I was afraid to tell anyone I was afraid to let anyone hold him. I was afraid I would never be able to let anyone hold him and for me to be okay with it.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret