#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I have thoughts of jumping off a bridge into freeway traffic or stabbing myself with a knife or driving off the road. I feel like my family would be better off without me and I should just leave. I have insane thoughts of stabbing my daughter with a knife and would never hurt her and am so overly disturbed and disgusted with my mind to even think that. I’m afraid if I tell anyone I’ll have her taken away.
Even though my brother is a good incredible person, I trust him 100%, and have absolutely no reason to think this, I can’t stop thinking that he will, or has, sexually abused my baby when babysitting. I am panicked about it. I am freaked out that someone I trust will harm my baby in this way.
My husband keeps falling asleep with the baby on his chest at night. I know she is going to get smothered. He says he won’t roll and he is a very still sleeper but I just know she is going to die if he keeps doing this. Every time I wake up and this happens, my heart sinks and I feel pure terror and panic. Please God, keep my baby alive, please don’t let her get smothered, please please please.
For the first few months of my first baby’s life, nearly every time my husband/his father changed his diaper I barged in because I was terrified my husband would molest him. A completely irrational fear that paralyzed me.
When my daughter was born I lived on the second floor of a building and always thought somehow I would trip and throw her out the window. I’d always keep the windows locked so that it couldn’t happen. I would never let a window be open if I was holding her.
I have an amazing support system.. my village is helpful in everyway and is very understanding about my Postpartum depression.. but I still think the only reason they tell me I’m a good mom is because noone would tell someone struggling with postpartum that they really are a bad mom…
I check that my baby is breathing 5-6 times before I go to bed. She is sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed and my husband gets annoyed that I’m “not just going to sleep.” I’m scared I’m going to wake up and she won’t be breathing.
Actually I am living away from my 9 month old son due to my job.for better care n attention he is living with his grandparents n they are taking good care of him. But usually one scary thought cms in my mind that if something bad happens in my in laws house n my child left unattended while night n he will cry alone no one around thn what will happen to my child how I would know …..like this. It’s disturbing
Please God don’t take my baby away. My cousin who was 18 died two years ago on her birthday of cancer. Is this a sign? I’m so scared all the time. I know you love me but I’m so scared all the time.
Sometimes I completely regret having a baby. I am young and so is my boyfriend. I am a stay at home mom with ppd and he works. I have no friends after being pregnant and he has all his friends. I don’t leave the house and he goes out to drink on the weekends. I’m home with a crying baby all night. He stumbles in drunk at 5AM. I stay up alone crying and he sleeps without a worry. I have no life and he still has his. I hate it. I never would have had a baby if I knew it was going to be like this.
I need to be awake so I can hear my baby breathing and watch his chest rise and fall. If I fall asleep he will stop breathing and it will be my fault because I wasn’t watching.
I thought about hitting my baby for crying
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret