Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts

Almost every night I worry that someone will try to break in and murder us. I’m worried that I won’t be able to get to my baby. That even if I get her out of the house, no one will notice her and she’ll freeze . With my husband deployed, there is no one who would come looking for us for days/weeks. I know that it’s unlikely, but it doesn’t stop me from pushing things against the doors , so they’ll make sounds if opened.

My mom died last year, and I am so worried I will be like her. Overweight, sick, depressed and have no love of life. I don’t want my child to have the same childhood as mine. I want to be better, but yet I am struggling to be better. There is no guide to help you navigate grief and regret while raising a child.

I got my IUD put in and during the process as soon as the first “cramp” happened all I could remember we’re contractions and how bad my c section scar hurt (I’m still recovering from it). When I got home all I could do was cry and I didn’t want to touch my daughter because if I didn’t have to give birth I would still have feeling in my abdomen and maybe we didn’t have to worry about an IUD just yet.

I’m scared that someone will take my baby, and hurt it. I have been watching a lot of crime shows. Maybe I should lay off of them for a while.

My mom passed away in Feb when I was 5 months pregnant. Everyone told me that I had to hold in everything or else it would harm my baby. So tried my best to hide all the pain in me so I wouldn’t harm my baby. I gave birth in June. 4 months later I find myself hurting, feeling lost and so much more. I always saw my mom meeting my baby and reaching out to her when ever I needed help but now she is gone. All the pain I had to hide is now coming up and I am missing my mom so much. I found out my dad started dating a new lady 4 months after my mom passed away. I feel so much anger and pain, like how? why so fast?. I also went back to work last month, ever since I feel so distant from my baby. Family members are always asking me why did I go back to work, that my baby needs me . When I am at work I feel okay but when I get home I feel so sad and distant from my baby. Half of me wants to keep working, the other half wants to stay at home with my baby. I don’t know what to do. I am also having big arguments with my boyfriend. There has been moments that we almost break up. Holidays are coming up, first thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years without my mom, I feel so much pain. But I need to be strong because it will be my first holidays with my daughter but my grief is overcoming me. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like so much is going on around me and I am just going day by day. Some days everything gets to me and I just can’t take it.

My son was born 5 weeks early. After delivery I started hemorrhaging, lost 3 liters of blood and almost died. We spent a week apart in different hospitals recovering. Years ago my husband was hurt on the job and suffers from CRPS. Before the baby, I took care of him and everything else in the house. Now I have the stresses of a baby on top of everything else.When my son cries and cries and cries, I scream and tell him to shut up. I imagine hurting him just so I can have some peace and quiet. Many times I wish that I should have died so that I don’t have to suffer anymore. Or I have thoughts about killing myself. I am fearful that I will give into my thoughts.My son means the world to me and I would never hurt him. I know I’m suffering from PPD and I’m working with my therapist on my negative thoughts.

For some strange reason I think of the worst scenarios. I’m scared to go to sleep because I’m afraid there might be a fire in the middle of the night and my baby will burn alive and just the thought of hearing him scream in pain just makes me pour the tears. Or someone will come into my house and kidnap him and kill me and my husband or leave one of us alive but kill the other and the baby. My baby is 8mo…..

Thank you so much because I had no idea that what I was going through was intrusive thoughts/anxiety. I imagined pushing her in the stroller into the lake. I was terrified she would stop breathing at any second. I was too terrified to let her sleep alone but with her in our bed I would panic we would roll over on her and suffocate her. I fear I will forget her in the car and she was die. I have had intrusive thoughts I sexually molest her or my husband did. We lived on a second floor and anytime he took her out on the porch I had intense fear she would fly over the edge. or at the mall she would fly over the edge.

I’m scared I’ll have a seizure while driving and kill someone then I’ll end up spending my life in jail away from my baby.

I kiss my baby goodnight and tell her I love her cause I’m so frightened I won’t see her again and won’t wake up.

When my newborn wont stop crying sometimes i want to throw her against the wall or strangle her. Anyone else?

I have a recurring thought tied to PSTD of losing our dog in accident- long story short- he jumped off the utility vehicle I was driving and his leash got tangled up in the wheels. Only now instead of picturing the image of our dog, my mind has replaced it with our 3 month old daughter. I’m terrified of leaving the house with her now because of it.