Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts

My obsession has been diseases. I was fixated on her vaccines as this year had a particularly large outbreak of measles. I became enraged at every anti-vaccine comment I read. I thought for sure that all of this anxiety would subside once she received her immunizations at a year. It didn’t. Now it’s flu season, and I hate all of the careless people who show up to church with the sniffles, or let their kid who was in the ER a few days before play with all the communal toys.I don’t get why I’m the crazy one for not wanting her to crawl where shoes have tracked in filth from the streets, or hold hands with people who clearly haven’t washed theirs. Don’t. Touch. Her. I carry hand sanitizer and wipes on me – but there’s always that realization in the back of my mind. What if I miss something? Am I placing going to church or on a Target run above my baby’s health?

Ever since I got pregnant I’ve always had scary thoughts about accidentally killing my baby. He’s 4 months now and I love him so much. I’m so worried I’m going to do something to ruin him and my family and my husband are going to hate me for it. I’ve been paranoid my hair is going to get stuck in his neck folds and choke him, that I’ll get in a crash, that I’ll fall down the stairs with him, etc. No one will ever forgive me.

I was never close to my step dad and my biological father was never in the picture. My mother has become a horrible mother and grandmother to my siblings’ children over the years and has not even asked about my child. On top of all of the other scary thoughts of him getting sick, not sleeping safe, not eating right, etc, I have horrible thoughts EVERY DAY of him leaving me and hating me when he gets older. As I type this I start to cry because its so heavy on my heart to do right by him or he will leave me and never want to be in my life when he is grown. Sometimes I just sit there and hold him while I bawl and ask him to please never leave momma. He is my everything and I just need to make sure I raise him right so that he at least calls me every now and again when he is grown. Thank you for everything you do to help new mothers. Reading some of these were almost as helpful as my actual therapy sessions!

My daughters crying still makes me mad, a year later. I lost my young adulthood to getting pregnant and raising a baby alone. I love her but not like a mom should. I miss being carefree. Having a baby at 20 was not in my plans and I still regret it. My family is so amazed by her but I am repulsed. Parenting is not for me. I’m pretty sure I have PPD/PPA due to her birth and health issues. Obsessive and intrusive thoughts are very controlling and make me hate my life and baby. Why did I keep her?

Being a mother changed me. I’m not the same person toward my husband that I used to be. I’m irritable, I snap at everything, I’m always anxious and I’m extremely jealous and accuse him of everything for no reason, and I think it’s because now that I’ve quit my job to stay at home, if I lost him I would lose everything. I’m always on edge, I gained weight months later(I weighed less while I was pregnant)so what if he stops wanting me or finding me attractive? Or what if he meets someone at work while I am at home? What’s worse than always feeling this way and fighting with myself to try to change back to how I was? The fact that he doesn’t want to have another baby because I changed.

I’ve been having a really hard time with scary thoughts lately. I’m a first time mom with a fiancé who works grave and lives in a townhouse where any noise sounds like it’s coming from your place. My son is one now but when he was first born I used to lose sleep thinking that he was going to die in the middle of the night if I didn’t keep a watch on him thanks to SIDS but it went away once he started sleeping with us. Now I’m starting to have intrusive thoughts over someone trying to break in and harming my child. I need help I haven’t slept in days.

I felt that because I/we couldn’t make breastfeeding work, I wasn’t special and anyone could be his mother. Upsetting after all the hard work to get him here.

I didn’t want to have kids and now he is here, I’m not sure it was the right choice.

We had feeding difficulties at the start and he lost weight. One day he was sleeping and I looked down and thought “he’ll look like this dead, I’m getting a preview of my dead baby”

Ever since we moved to the same state most of my husband’s siblings, every time we see his sister makes fast snide comments about how I wasn’t feeding my baby fast enough or my baby is much happier being held by my husband. Everytime she says something like that I just want to throw myself out the window. (She doesn’t have any kids yet) We also told my MIL that we probably only want 2 kids total but she keeps saying I need to have more because I’ll feel different after each one. I specifically do not want to do that in fear of my post partum depression /anxiety /rage from getting worse. Other family members keep telling me to start having kids. My baby is only 9 months and I don’t want another baby every time someone brings it up I want to run away hopefully get hit by a car in the process.

With all 3 of my kids I was always so scared to hold them when walking near an open railing or on second floor on the mall thinking if they wiggle or climb they would fall over.

I am getting thoughts like killing my child hurting him for no reason other scary thoughts like he get worst health issues I am trying to reduce these thoughts these thoughts making me very bad mother I scared of hurting him.