#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Sometimes, often really, I wonder if life would be better without my kids. I love them and worry for them every day, my biggest priority is to give them a good and loving life but also wish I had never had them. It’s an impossible feeling to have to prioritize someone you don’t want.
“What if my daughter is fucked up like me”?
Today I feel like I regret ever having a baby. I’m so tired, I feel gross, I can’t do any little tasks I used to be able to do without interruption. I hate it.
If I take my kids to the store, someone will come in and shoot it up and I will not be able to find a place for us to hide.
Every time my toddler steps a foot away from the car, I feel a heightened sense of wreck, fear, panic, I start to scream. In that flash instance, I imagine a car hitting her and my losing her, and I am hysteric. Why can’t we just attach our babies to our hips? Why don’t they know they can’t be seen by cars driving in the parking lot?!!
I absolutely hate that she lightly prances away from me (like a deer) without a fear in the world, not knowing that cars could kill her in an instant.
This is my first baby, after suffering two miscarriages. After he was born, starting when he is 1 month old, i would imagine the worst, from virus, diseases, baby falling, or lagging developmental milestones as a genetic one.
I’ve never felt so alone and scared at the same time. Going back to work in 2 weeks and i can see my anxiety level rising 🙁
The stroller would roll down the hill right into the pond in my neighborhood and my son would drown before I would be able to get to him. I’ve imagined how I would jump in and save him a countless amount of time.
That I’m going to find my toddler tangled up in my sheets at the bottom of the bed.
That someone would kidnap me as I’m trying to get in the house with my baby in his car seat. And I would have to plead for the kidnapper to leave my baby on the doorstep so that my husband could find him when he got home from work.
Every night, I imagine the TV falling off the unit and crushing my baby, her splitting her head open on the table, dropping her etc. I get cold sweats until I eventually fall asleep.
The worst thing happened to me being a single mom they don’t let you rest in the hospital I had an emergency C-section. so when I made it home I was holding my 3 day old son cuddling him and before I new it I dropped him on the floor it was carpet but it sent me into a panic attack I injured my self because I had to pick him up my C-section scar open a little bit from my quick response to pick him up. Baby well I was still sleep deprived because I didn’t go to sleep that night worrying about my new born I stayed on the phone with the 24 hour nurse for 2 hours crying. She told me that baby’s are not a fragile as we think they are and she said the best thing that happened is that my baby cried that means he was okay. But me being me sore in all I returned back to the hospital not only to get myself checked out but my new born to. I developed sleep anemia. Till this day I wake up in the middle of the night checking on my now 3 year old son. People the guilt tore me up i was so stressed i lost a lot of weight my doctor was so concerned about me I had to follow appointment just to make sure I was good. I so appreciate the love they had for me. I know this us long but I never talked about it was to scared of being judged about dropping him.
I love my child more than anything in this world it took me 5 long years to have her I lost 3 babies before her and finally had my rainbow baby but in the last year I’ve had intrusive thoughts of harming her and urges and I don’t know why cause I’m so Over protective of her with everyone else and I don’t know how to get these thoughts out of my head.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret