#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I’m scared my baby will be stolen while my mother in law watches him and takes him places.
I constantly think that CPS is going to take her from me because I have Bipolar disorder type 1. I’m always convinced they will walk into my home and tell me I failed and I will never see her again. I feel like my partner would also blame me the same way and tell me I never deserved to have her.
I so heavily resent my baby every night at bedtime it starts to feel like hate. I want to ask my husband to put him to bed sometimes so I can have some space but Every time he even tries, I end up having to do it anyway and then I’m mad at my husband too for not just pushing through the unfamiliarity and finding a way to make it work.
Sometimes I wanna run away of my child’s oom. Just with my bag. Nothing more. Maybe after I breastfeed my son at night, in silence. I am very scared with the “forever” that motherhood means. I dont know who I am anymore.
She was unplanned and when I was pregnant I was so scared I wouldn’t love her. Now she’s here I do love her immensely but the foreverness of motherhood terrifies me and I’m scared I’ll stop loving her.
I was scared of people spitting on my baby in public. I’ve never seen that happen…but it was a huge fear of mine. I would make sure that I was walking fast enough that people couldn’t stop me to admire her.
I had many scary thoughts, the dog attacking her, SIDS, germs, knives in the kitchen falling from counters, me peeling off her skin (avoid doctor shows pp)…once they started to consume me I got help and it made all the difference.
I have crazy internal rage for people that belittle what mothers do and don’t stop to ask how you’re truly doing. I get extremely mad at people for assuming that I’m ok because I look ok while I’m completely drowning with PPD, PPA and body image issues.
I still get anxiety about something happening to my baby. What if I go to the store alone with her and someone steals her and tries to sell her? What if I give her a chip to snack on and she chokes? What if she has a stuffy nose and ends up not breathing when she sleeps….and all anyone can ever tell me is to calm down, she will be “ok.” It makes me want to cry. I didn’t know being a mother could be so hard.
I hate breastfeeding. Hate it with passion. I only do it because it’s free & formula is so expensive, nothing else. Sometimes when people hand my son to me because “he’s hungry” (he’s not, he’s just being a baby, & babies cry), I shove him my boobs out of frustration to the extent that he slightly gasp for air. Nothing too long to harm him, but enough to make him cry louder. I just hate breastfeeding.
Every time he is quiet, and I am about to fall asleep, I think “what if he’s died? what if he’s dead and I’m just peacefully falling asleep? what if he’s NOT, but he’s dying and I choose to fall asleep rather than check on him? what kind of mother can just ‘go to sleep’?”
My rage. It terrifies me, because it’s always the smallest things (like tripping on a toy or the sound of crying) that set me off. I’m scared one day it’ll blind me completely and I’ll hurt my baby..it scares me because my baby is the greatest miracle in my life. I dont want him to be afraid of me because of my rage.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret