#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I thought these feelings would go away eventually, but I’m one of the ones who still struggles several years later.
i see all moms do good things for their baby on social media..and iam not like them.I dont know how to play with my baby as iam always tired.. my life is terribly boring…my baby isnt eating at 7 months as he should like all babies . Iam fearing that she wouldnt like healthy food in future.My baby int sleeping through the night at 7 months.She wakes up so many times and i cant understand what she wants .. my baby isnt sleep trained…i didnt breastfeed my baby as i didnt have the right education about breastfeeding And that made me depressed So many months
With my first I never experienced the kind of depression I am dealing with, with my second. If you can think of a problem that a baby could have, he had it. For weeks on end he was inconsolable. I often pictured myself holding him against my breast while he was feeding, suffocating him while cried. Often thinking how long would it take for him to pass out, would it cause brain damage, but how quiet it could be.
The worste was this past Christmas when he was really pushing me to my limits – while bathing him I clearly pictured myself holding his body under water just to end it all. This was the tipping point for me and I realized it was time to find professional help.. I’m still scared of myself
I feel like holding his neck tightly and see his dying act
I’m so terrified I’m gonna end up hurting my child… When she legit screams at the top of her lungs for no reason. I get annoyed so easily with things that I know she can’t control. Am I horrible person or mom?
If I’m not in her face playing with her and talking to her she is going to delay developmentally and never trust me.
I feel like when I tuck my baby in , imma find him not breathing because the blanket got in his face and I’m such a deep sleeper I wouldn’t be able to hear him
I was so adamant about staying home from work as long as I wanted. This is my third and last child and I didn’t want to miss anything. These past two months I have felt stressed, angry, exhausted and short tempered. Worst of all I feel useless and have felt regret about my choice to step down from my job. I love my children but I don’t like my day-to-day life. I am so incredibly lonely.
I was on the ninth floor of a hospital parking garage walking around the car soothing my baby while waiting for my husband to get back to the car. I pictured my baby falling down the past the railing to the bottom and was so terrified I had to get back in the car. My heart was racing and my thoughts were fast. Even though he was safely strapped into the carrier and I was more than ten feet away from the railing.
Every time someone else holds my baby I’m scared they’re going to do something wrong and he’s going to get hurt. And I feel like it will be my fault for not holding him myself.
With my first, I had problems with connecting with him as a mother. I was his care taker, but I didn’t feel connected. I was also distant and depressed which lead to me having scary thoughts. I got lucky and had a great maternal instinct that drove me to be a great mother and eventually that connection happened way later. I’m pregnant with my second, what if that happens again? What if this robs me of my connection to both kids? What if I can’t handle two? I just started learning to not be an angry mom and just began getting good at consistency with my toddler, how will I ever manage a baby on top of it all?
Until my baby was about 8 weeks old, I regreted becoming a mother. I even told my husband that my child ruined our lives. I have DEEP regrets about this. I wish I could relive those 8 weeks and love my baby the way she deserved to be love. I am so jealous of mom who instantly love motherhood.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret