#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I keep thinking about the different stories of babies being killed such as nazi soldiers using them as target practice and African tribes raping them, and I cant help imagine my daughter in these horrible situations or other babies and I get upsey and start crying and become angry and wish that all people that hurt babies like that would just die in horrible ways.
I’m scared that my daughter’s estranged father will steal her from school and take her to another country.
My son is 2.5 and the scary thoughts haven’t gone away. When I leave for work I’m terrified I’ll get a call that something awful happened and I wasn’t there to prevent it or that I’ll be in a tragic car accident leaving my family uncared for for. Now I’m pregnant again and worried that these thoughts will literally suffocate me when #2 is born.
After I had my second baby I started to feel terrified about how I would keep both of my children safe. I would have horrible intrusive thoughts about situations where I would have to choose which one of them to save. I just had my third baby and those thoughts have come back. Even with therapy that has helped alot, I’m still so scared. I feel as if it’s impossible that I will be able to keep all of my babies alive. It is killing my dream of having a big family because I feel as if with each child I have the risk of losing one of them grows. Sometimes I sit up at night because I feel like I can’t go to sleep incase something were to happen. I never had anxiety before children. I sometimes feel like I must be crazy. They never warn you about this in the parenting books.
I had postpartum OCD. I didn’t know that was a thing. For the first 4 weeks of my baby’s life I was terrified to put her onesie on over her head because I had this intrusive thought of her head flopping everywhere! The worst was my intrusive thought of accidentally shaking her because my anxiety started to dwell on it and start asking “could I do it? would I do that? Am I bad for it popping into my head?!” The thought that lingers still (even though I’m on month 4 of meds now) is this thought that I will brush her soft spot too hard and the brush will make this indent. Most of the other thoughts have faded with treatment. The ones that linger are mostly valid concerns just amplified… Like a loony toons cartoon for the worst possible case. I can laugh at it now but pretty much the first 2 months was my husband picking me up off the floor and me crying wanting the anxiety and terror to stop. — for all the moms struggling with it, it does get better. We are not our thoughts. —
Sometimes my imagination wanders when I’m out with my toddler and every little thing seems life threatening to her. It makes me so anxious and sometimes I well up. I have to keep her safe. I must. She is my heart.
For months after my baby was born I used to feel so anxious everytime we would drive somewhere, I thought she was going to suffocate in her car-seat somehow and I had a crappy car-seat mirror so would constantly stop and check her.
I felt guilty for having my son. I felt horrible knowing he’d live in a world where he would inevitably feel sadness, loss, loneliness, and suffer to some degree as part of life. I wished he’d never been born to protect him from that. It all felt too big and overwhelming and I felt alone and helpless to protect him.
I can’t stop thinking there are so many evil people outside and I’m so scared my baby will get hurt by those people or even get KILLED…
I have fleeting intrusive thoughts that I’ll grab my baby by his ankles and hit his head off the coffee table, that I’ll throw him in the fire, that I’ll accelerate off a cliff with him. I wouldn’t in a million years ever do these things, I love him beyond belief and would do anything to protect him. I’m terrified of going to the doctor and seeking help in case I’m seen as not fit. I have a childhood history of compulsive behaviors which I grew out of I have a feeling this has been exasperated by pregnancy.
Anytime I watch a show or movie and a baby dies or is killed I cry uncontrollably and think about how I could not survive if my son died. I can visualize the dead baby on the tv screen is my kid and I’m not sure how to deal with it, I used to love crime series but now the episodes with children are devastating to watch on a whole new level.
When my baby wouldn’t stop uncontrollably crying, I would have thoughts of dropping her or throwing her against the wall. Thoughts of shaking her or dropping her down to stairs just to make her stop! I thought I had went insane.. I didn’t realize how normal this actually was.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret