#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I regret to have you. Sorry, but this was you father’s dream, not mine. I developed my life to be free and independent woman. This motherhood put me as a prisoner. I can’t take this! When my life will back?
I am feel like I’m a failure everyday. I am a mother to a 10 week old, I still haven’t healed. I still have an infection, I am terrified it’s my fault. I’m terrified that my baby will be damaged from all of the antibiotics I need to take.
Everyday I feel like a bad mother. Everyday I feel like I have failed the most precious person in my life by not being able to get better.
I wonder if dad and baby would be better off without me.
I often envision horrible things happening to both of my children. Terrible accidents where they die. Someone else wrote that they often envision throwing their baby on the floor and I picture that happening too when I’m frustrated and he won’t stop crying. Or slamming his head against something. It makes me sick to my stomach because I love both my kids so much it hurts.
I don’t think anyone relates to me. At 9 weeks pregnant I found out I was having a boy and was devastated. I cried so often. I carry a brave face but my son is 17 months old and I still have gender disappointment. I can’t stand when anyone refers to him as “oh he’s such a boy” or eludes to his future wife or girlfriend. I love him but I don’t think I’ll ever get over this feeling.
I am so excited to be a mother and hold my baby girl in my arms, but every day all I can think about is ending my life and hers before I can get that chance.
I’m scared of letting anyone else watch her. She’s under 1 still and I’m so paranoid about her getting sick, getting hurt, or anything happening that I don’t know about. She hasn’t been sick yet and I know that when it happens I’ll be a nervous wreck.
Today when I was at the mall I heard someone walking behind me very loudly. I could feel their energy. I looked back to see an angry looking woman. I imagined her grabbing my baby from my arms and throwing her off the second floor. I keep imagining it over and over again. In the moment I held on to my baby so tightly. She probably felt uncomfortable.
Every time I’m cooking and I’m wearing my baby, I envision her falling into the oven. Whenever I get into the car I visualize is getting into a car accident and I’m unable to get the baby out of the carseat and then she’s stuck in the car when it bursts into flames. When walking through my house holding her I think I’m going to wack her head on the door frames. That she’ll stop breathing or die of SIDS.
I was disappointed after the birth of my third baby. I wanted a third boy but we had a girl. My whole pregnancy people remarked ” I hope you get your girl” . Now people say “you finally got your girl” or “you can stop having them now” as if I had only fallen pregnant each time in the aim of getting a girl or that I ought to stop having kids now. I never know what to say to these people.
That I am permanently ruining my children and that my anger will make them horrible adults later in life.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret