#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My baby is 7 months old. I had pretty bad anxiety before baby concerning germs and going places. After she was born i had only gone into an actual store maybe ten times before lock down because i was afraid of getting her sick. This covid has ramped up my anxiety and i can’t fathom what it’s going to be like as the nation reopens. I have ptsd from having to get silver nitrated to help heal what birthing left behind. It gives me nightmares. I don’t sleep anymore. If I’m not worried about the baby dying in the middle of the night I’m worried i am sick and not going to be able to care for my child. She won’t take a bottle and i am paranoid if something happens to me she will starve to death. My husband doesn’t get it. I feel like a single mom.
I have 3 healthy children and a loving partner life is good. But every day I wake up I convince my self it’s the last day because why would I deserve to be happy. I envision cars smashing into mine when I’m driving, that I’ll be told I have a week to live by my dr, google every ache and pain I have and diagnose my self with a terminal illness. Every day I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t get my head above water. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
I just found out I am pregnant with my 4th. This is 100% a quarantine baby. I feel so selfish bringing in another life when the world is so fucked.
I have a fear of the fact that others have snapped and done horrid mean things. I also have the fear of things that I could harm my baby. I love him and don’t want anything to bad happen to him.
I’m going to drop/throw my baby over the banister.
I wanted a baby boy I can raise alone,at 38 weeks I realized I prefer a female child more than a male child and I also wished I ve a rich father for my child ..am just lonely depressed and I dnt want this child anymore cant raise it alone…
I feel like I mutilated my baby by getting him circumcised, even though my husband was 100% for it. I can’t change him without bursting into tears. What kind of mother am I for allowing my perfect newborn to be disfigured. I never wanted a boy. I still don’t. I don’t know how I’ll ever love him as much as my daughter….especially now that I’ve lopped off a piece of him.
Whenever he cry’s and whines I get the worst anxiety like someone scrambling my brain and thoughts. If I can’t calm him I react by yelling, cursing, throwing a fit of rage. I know he just trying to communicate but my body can’t handle it and I feel like all my rational thoughts go out the window. I don’t feel like I’m a good mom. Even though my entire life people would compliment my mom like qualities. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and always wanted to be the best mom. Now I’m just so conflicted due to my anger and lack of patience. I’m so upset with myself and disappointment. I never felt so sad and alone even with this perfect baby. I love him with all I have but feel in Incapable to give him the best in life. Last night I stay up all night thinking I’m who would be the best caretaker for him if I did something to hurt myself. I couldn’t think of anyone who’d love him more then me.
I fantasize a lot while I’m driving of me hitting the gas and not letting go until I hit something. I also think about just putting the baby down and leaving him. I love him so much and it saddens me to feel like this.
I was scared I was going to fall forwards down the stairs when carrying her and land on her at the bottom, or I would picture myself just letting go of her on the stairs and have an image of her at the bottom. Both were equally as terrifying because I would never do anything to hurt her, it just seemed like such a huge distance for such a tiny baby.
Any time I ever held a baby (a sibling, a cousin) I was always gripped by the intrusive thought of hurting them. Throwing them over a balcony, out a window. Whacking their head on a ledge. I have two daughter’s, for the first month with my oldest I was terrified to even go out on our porch with her. I am a mom people are impressed by. People ask me for advice all the time. I had two natrual births. Aced my second babies NICU time. I breastfeed and I genuinely love it. It’s natrual to me. I like nothing more than to lay with my girls and read to them and snuggle them. I am calm and I am patient. And I am filled with terrifying intrusive thoughts #speakthesecret
I was scared my severe sleep deprivation would cause me to drop or harm my baby, or fall asleep and on her. How am I meant to look after my baby on 2 hours of sleep? She would only scream if we put her down to sleep “safely”. What other option did I have but to let her sleep on me all night while I desperately tried to stay awake until the sun rose? “This too shall pass” doesn’t help when it feels like your new forever, and you’re awake for all of it.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret