#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Most days, I look at my lovely happy baby, and I feel bad. I thought about abortion when I was pregnant. It was okay to have these thoughts and I made a choice and I’m happy with that choice. But everyday I feel sad because I look at him and I tell myself I’m an awful person. How on Earth would anyone want to abort this precious little one. But the thing is, I didn’t know him back then. And things were rough. I had options and I thought about my options. I kept him and I’m happy about it. I need to push away the dark thoughts that tell me I don’t deserve to live because I thought about aborting him. And also, the thoughts that something bad is going to happen to him to punish me.
My baby won’t be able to go out and play and see world like we did in early 90’s. she might get bullied when she goes to school.
I cannot take care of myself, my toddler and my husband. I have to drop one. I cannot be a perfect wife and perfect mother and perfect person all at the same time. Who is going to take care of me? Just me. I miss being single and kid free. I am no one after having a kid. I just want to be happy and skinny again.
My son spent a week in the NICU. I still struggle with PTSD from a traumatic delivery and having him taken away from me right after he was born. Now, with COVID19, I find myself overwhelmed with fear that he will be taken away from me again because one of us will need to be hospitalized. I worry that I couldn’t survive that.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t handle being a mother when I’m emotionally or mentally drained. I sometimes lose my temper or ignore my baby when I’m upset. It makes me question so much about myself like ” I suck as a mother”, “He don’t deserve me”, ” maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother” and so many more. I want to be different and raise my baby the right way, not like I was raise. I want to show my baby so much love that I barely had growing up and not lose my temper with him when I’m upset. I just feel weak and guilty. I just want to make him feel safe and know that I can keep him safe, but my emotions gets the best of me.
Sometimes I wish my son was never born, because this quarantine during this pandemic would be so much easier (and maybe fun) without him. I miss alone time with my husband.
My son was born and I was absolutely convinced he was going to die, it was awful. It was going to be while I slept or maybe in his car seat. I didn’t bath him for a long time because I was sure that would be his end. I still find it hard to leave him in case something happens and I miss his last moments. It can all be so overwhelming.
We both almost died during birth. She cries and I think that she hates me for that. I think she doesn’t love me. I know it can’t be true. But she doesn’t stop crying when I try to comfort her so I feel I’m not her mother. Then I think since we almost died that maybe that’s why we aren’t connected.
I am absolutely obsessed with our new baby girl. I am terrified that someone, or an illness like Coronavirus, will take her from me. I fear she’ll be kidnapped and someone will abuse or assault her and I’ll never know what happened to her. I am scared every minute of every day of losing the best thing that has ever happened to me.
If I put him in the baby carrier wrong his hips will dislocate and he’ll never be able to walk. I also felt similarly about his arms, I have to constantly check to make sure they’re not in a bad position.
I’m secretly happy about the self-quarantining. I don’t have to share my 3 month old baby girl with anyone, except her dad. But I like sharing her with him.
Is he too cold? Is he too hot? Is he breathing? Is he breathing properly? Worrying if I’m under or overfeeding him. These days mostly worrying if I’ll bring home something from doing the weekly shop. I hate being apart from him to even do it, not that I would want to bring him in case he would get something.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret