#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I don’t have overwhelming love for my son. It hurts my soul, what kind of mother feels this way?
I love my daughter more than anything, but my anxiety has been so bad lately that I feel like I’m being tortured from the inside out. When I feel that way, I sometimes think I made a mistake having her and that my life is ruined.
I’m constantly suicidal, but I put on a fake face and try to keep it that way because I know i have a mouth to feed. My sons dad left me for a man while I was 6months pregnant and he told me he hoped I relapsed on herion because I could never offer a child what they need.
I’m constantly suicidal, but I put on a fake face and try to keep it that way because I know i have a mouth to feed. My sons dad left me for a man while I was 6months pregnant and he told me he hoped I relapsed on herion because I could never offer a child what they need.
Fostercare
I have a 10 month old and almost 5 year old child. I sometimes lose my anger and scream at them When they yell and misbehave, they fight so often and don’t listen To me. I sometimes think about the time j wants mom and miss it terribly. But i wouldnt go back.
I love my son. He’s a happy, highly active, inquisitive 6 year old. We escaped his biological father almost 2 years ago. It was bad. My son is in counseling and doing well. I failed him by not leaving sooner. I tried, so many times but no one believed me about how bad it was. My ex wasn’t physically abusive to our son but he sexually, psychologically, and economically abused me in front of our son and his older kids. I wake up most days just wishing I didn’t. But if I die, my son’s bio could try to get custody even though he’s made it clear he’d kill him.
When I am ill or in pain I feel like an inconvenience because someone has to look after me and my baby. My partner is allowed to be ill or in pain without anyone resenting it – because he doesn’t have the lions share of baby care and household chores.
I keep thinking about ways to kill myself but can’t bear the thought of my son being raised by my husband and calling another mom.
Even though my son is now two. The guilt and shame I feel for how I raised him when he was little is real. I struggled, I needed help, and only my husband saw it. It took me six months to find help. My son was one the anxiety I feel over what I caused him is real. I think about it every day but now I move forward. I wanted him gone, I regretted having him, and so I ignored my precious baby boy. He still prefers dade to mome but we are making progress and that is success.
I would spend as little time in the kitchen as possible because there were knives in there. I would have to check over and over that I actually threw away the bag that diapers came in because I was terrified my baby would suffocate. I remember walking from room to room holding baby and leaving because I felt it was unsafe to be in there.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love both of my children at the same time. I didn’t mean to get pregnant the second time and it’s been so hard to adjust to 2. Sometimes they just need so much of me I want to hurt them.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret