#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Thoughts of shaking my baby to death and picturing their lifeless body in my arms. Brings absolute disgust and anguish even writing this to be even having thoughts like this. Also had thoughts of me falling with the baby, SIDS, baby falling off t
After 7 nights without more than 45 minutes sleep at a time, I imagined making my baby stop screaming by holding the blanket over her face.
Sometimes my baby’s crying makes me so angry that I picture myself throwing him at the wall or shaking him until he stops crying and it scares me. I have to put him down and throw something just to calm myself down.
I always feel like I will go “crazy” and just forget to take care of my baby.
Intense intrusive thoughts that my boyfriend is gonna sexually assault our baby. To the point it’s affecting our relationship and I’m constantly trying to catch him off guard with the baby to make sure she’s safe.
After my daughter came home from the hospital, I had repeated scary thoughts of her not really being my daughter and being afraid her being switched in the hospital. I desperately loved her and wanted her. But the thoughts continued. I think it began after looking at her newborn pictures and thinking that she looked nothing like them. I found myself continually checking her newborn pictures to make sure she looked like them and mentally obsessing about and arguing with my thoughts all the time. I felt ashamed- like I was a terrible mom. I had postpartum OCD. It is not completely better yet, but with the support of family, friends, counseling, helpful books, my faith in God, and specifically the use of Exposure Response Prevention or “ERP” (a cognitive behavioral technique in psychotherapy in which you accept and face your scary thoughts) it has gotten tremendously better. I have had other scary thoughts that have built off of this one- specifically the fear of getting new scary thoughts in my head or thinking scary blasphemous thoughts and getting those stuck in my head. Do not be ashamed! It is not your fault!! I highly recommend reading about ERP and giving it a try. See a mental health professional. Tell your family.
I hate when people ask me things like ‘I’ll bet you can’t imagine life without your baby’s or ‘i bet you never thought you could love someone so much.’. I have a lovely life and family but I had a lovely life before as well. I don’t think motherhood has made my life richer or better, just different. That makes me feel so guilty like I don’t love my LO as much as others and angry at the idea that my love was worth less or my life was less meaningful pre-child.
1st bad insurdence think that I would snap my baby neck, I was horrified so I found out what it was online and how to deal with it OCD and they said to not be scared of the thought so next time I had that thought I was like I’m not scared of this thought so I went to tickle my babys neck because she loves that and laughs but as I was going to tickle her neck I had a intrusive thought that i would actually snap her neck so ran down stairs and cried my eyes out to my mam and got my ex partner to come stay with me in fear I would do something to her. Now I have loads of new bad intrusive thoughts and it’s making me think what if I have done them, even though i do not want to do any or would do anything to hurt my baby and the guilt is killing me.
I’m so afraid of someone molesting my daughter i won’t ever date or have her around any men. It’s petrifies me.
Everyone says the 4 month sleep regression only lasts 2-3 weeks but it’s been over a month will this ever end I just want him to sleep every time he cries I feel like I’m gonna throw up and my heart won’t stop racing why won’t this end I just want it to end you’re not getting better and I’m getting worse I feel like there’s no way to cope at night and I want to die thinking about life being like this every night please just sleep baby why won’t you rest.
I had a terrible birthing experience with her. I ended up staying in the hospital without her for 4 extra days while the doctors figured out why my bladder stopped working. I also had a hard time breastfeeding in the beginning. As a result, I love(d) my daughter but resented her for the first 5 months of her life. I found myself just going through the motions of being her mom. My son was born 2.5 years later and I had a great birthing experience. With all the mom tips I learned and experienced with my daughter, I had an overall better Mom experience. I am worried that I love my son more than my daughter because of their different birthing experiences.”
I looked at my newborn and wondered what if he never ended up being born? He wasn’t planned and he was born amidst a pandemic + uncertain time in my career. I wasn’t feeling the innate maternal instinct or affection other moms seemed to feel. All I could think of was “if I didn’t have a baby now I could be…” and so on. I didn’t want to admit that I regretted getting pregnant, even if I didn’t want to harm my baby and I did want to take care of him.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret