#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I was/am absolutely terrified about SIDS. I have had dreams where i have woken up to find her cold and lifeless. Which in turn wakes me up in tears with me dragging my sleeping bubs out of her bed to sit and cuddle and cry with her. In saying that shes loving the extra feed and snuggles lol
Before I had my babies I had been involved in work which caused me to come into contact with detailed descriptions of child sexual abuse. After I had my first son I started getting awful intrusive thoughts/images/sounds of him being abused in the same way as the cases I had read. Certain cries triggered it the most and then as he got older they would be triggered the most if he was crying/resisting getting undressed when getting changed or ready for the bath. I would never force him if he didn’t want to but sometimes my husband would still try and change him. The thoughts/sounds/images were terrible and so vivid. I’ve had another baby 5 months ago and they’ve started again. I tried to explain these to a child health nurse and she just didn’t get it. She thought I was experiencing thoughts of me abusing the boys. But mine are different… it’s not me who’s doing it, but I can still visualise it and hear it like it’s actually happening. They break my heart and make me feel like I can’t breath. I try to remind myself that they’re not actually happening and the boys are safe but then this little voice comes in and whispers ‘yes, but that has happened to a child and you know it.
I don’t often miss my children when they are away from me. Sometimes when they come home I feel dread and wonder how I’m going to mom up when I just feel so depleted.
I have just found out that I am pregnant. I’m 23 years old and i don’t know if I’m ready to be a mom. The love of my life and i weren’t trying but we definitely weren’t being careful. I guess we thought it would take longer but it only took a few months. I’ve always wanted to be a mommy but i do t know if I’m ready yet. Deciding to get an abortion is one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had. To think i won’t ever get to meet this baby here on earth if i do that. I’m just conflicted and have no one i can turn to.
I have always had crazy thoughts of anything terrible happening to my daughter or husband once i became a mother. Fire, accidents, sickness, basically anything that resulted in me gasping out loud and questioning my own mind. It would just come and go every so often. It wasn’t untill my second pregnancy that i have these crazy vivid thoughts every single night about my house catching on fire while I was asleep and how i wouldn’t be able to reach my daughter. Or i would have thoughts about someone breaking into my house to kidnap her. Every night I would check my stove and the burners, make sure every window and door is locked. For fire thoughts it got to the point where im scared of every day objects being plugged in. Like my daughters night light, and how it would just start an electrical fire in her room and if the tv is on while i sleep i wouldn’t be able to hear the alarm go off and she would be dead. It got to point where i had my 4 year old sleep in bed with me because atleast if we are in the same room i can have a better chance of saving her.
When my son was first born, images of him hanging from a noose would bombard my mind at any point in the day when I was trying to rest and take a break. It was awful. That image has thankfully mostly subsided, but now I have scary thoughts about just about any sharp object, hard surface, or new environment that he enters. It’s exhausting.
Wanting to squeeze his tiny body and break his arms and elbows when he won’t go to sleep. I imagine him as a disabled adult and having to tell others of his abuse.
I needed to know where both my baby and toddler were at all times because I had intrusive visions and thoughts about accidentally leaving one of them in the bathtub and they would drown.
I’m hit by a car, bus or truck while baby-wearing. I can see his little skull disconnecting from his spine on impact. My consolation is he would die instantly. If we both die, I imagine my husband being left behind to raise my toddler. I imagine her growing up without me. The well-being of these three precious people absolutely consumes me.
I had awful postpartum anxiety. I would have intrusive thoughts about kicking my child while she sat in her bouncer. I would see images of stabbing her, dropping her. I feared she would be taken away from me, that I would lose my mind and everyone would know and I’d be sent away. I felt as if she could feel my anxiety and it was bad for her. I didn’t want to hold her for 2 weeks for fear i would hurt her. Then switched it up and never wanted to put her down.
My son is almost 3. Every time I take his picture I know it will be the last picture I ever take of him. Every time I leave him alone with his grandparents or downstairs with his dad while I shower, I know in my heart I’ll never see him again. I hear him screaming when I have the water running. I hear my husband calling for me telling me that my son is choking and he doesn’t know what to do. None of it is actually real, but in the moment it is very real.
My mind keeps throwing her off the balcony. I imagine giving her away to someone better. I always imagined having many kids and now I’m not sure I should have even had one.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret