#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I’m stuck in a cycle of “please, someone help me with the baby, please take him for an hour so I can rest,” and “don’t touch him, he is mine, you will hurt him and it will be my fault for being so careless and not being able to do it on my own.” At least if I hold him and drop him, it’s my fault. If someone else does, I’ll still be blamed for not holding my own baby, how could I be so stupid to let someone else? It’s my fault no matter what happens. I’m to blame.
I had a recurring thought of me twisting and breaking my baby’s neck whilst I was feeding her during those endless small hours of the night when I was so exhausted and couldn’t see a way out.
I fear that when I’m not around, my baby will get hurt. I struggle with leaving her in ANYONE else’s care because they are not as vigilant and hands on as I am. I can’t turn the fearful thoughts off. I can’t rest or catch a break from them…
I always have conversations in my head with ambulance crews on the phone as I always think my children are going to get injured even by a small bang or bump , I go through the conversation in my head on how to tell my family that they are no longer here even though they are fine.
I’ve had moments where I picture my baby dying. Not always natural, sometimes graphic and unrealistic and it gives me instant anxiety and terrifies me. The other day, the thought of us being at the store and being shot popped in my head. I also can’t stop the thought that I’ll die, and my husband and family will be left to care for her and won’t know how to.
I had so many scary thoughts that felt awful, when I was really poorly with post natal depression I had visions of throwing my baby into a river, pushing the pushchair into an oncoming bus putting a bag over her head. They were sickening and so graphic I’d feel sick. I had thoughts about doing things to myself when I was admitted to a mother and baby unit my unwanted thoughts really intensified, I visualised drinking the alcohol gel, slitting my wrists with my razor that I had with me stabbing my self with my tweezers. Basically anything that I could see around me I wanted to turn into something to cause me harm.
Baby falling out of my arms & down the stairs.
When my daughter goes near a screen window upstairs I picture her pushing it and falling out of the window, smashing onto the pavement and dying. My husband doesn’t understand why I am so petrified of her being near the windows upstairs. I won’t allow the window to be open at night while she’s sleeping in her room alone. She’s 4 and should know better, I just can’t help but imagine it happen.
Being a mom of twins I can’t help but feel my anxiety x100. what if I can’t take care of both at the same time? Will they grow to hate me because I had to leave one crying for a little while, while I took care of his brother? I’m sorry your screaming and feel alone in your bassinet and it breaks my heart but I can only do so much by myself. My worst nightmare is one passing away from SIDS and they take away my other baby because it proves I’m a terrible mother and shouldn’t have any children. I look at them and I cry because I can’t be a complete mom to both kids at the same time. Why is parenting so hard? Why did I have twins? I only wanted one child…I feel blessed but cursed at the same time. How am I going to do this? Sometimes I wish that I could just go to sleep and not wake up because maybe they’ll find a better mom to take care of them. I love them and I want the best for them and maybe it’s not me.
I love my daughter but my life fell apart after I got pregnant with her, I went broke, failed grad school classes, lost my job, covid19, you name it….. Now I’m still trying to put my life back together because things haven’t gotten better, and have a newborn on top of that. Most days I want to just disappear or drop dead. I’m chained to this baby and I hate myself for the way my life turned out.
I pictured her tiny lifeless little body floating face down in my toddler’s kiddy pool…
After I brought my son home from the NICU with a clean bill of health, I was convinced he would stop breathing in the night. I’d stay up all night counting his breath and calculating his respiration rate. I did this for over six months.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret