#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Sometimes I want to hit my daughter because I can’t handle her crying any longer. I never do, but the thoughts are still there.
I have times where I don’t believe my baby actually exists. I see her and feel her in my arms but I truly cannot believe the feedback my body gives me. I constantly worry about her when she sleeps. I go to bed with a light on and my glasses on. I have to say goodnight to my husband first and then my baby. If he says he loves me after this I will respond but then have to tell my baby straight after. If I don’t I’m convinced something bad will happen. I think about cutting my arms or hands with a knife whenever I use them even though I know I wouldn’t actually do it. I see my husband constantly dropping my daughter on the floor whenever he holds her or stands up with her. So much so he is now only allowed to pick her up in one way. I fear someone will come and burgle the house whilst we’re in it and stab my husband or kill my cat. I fear walking with her outside in case a car mounts the curb or I lose control of the pushchair. I think the cat will sit on her and suffocate her. I think she will choke on her vomit. I fear she will fit if I don’t monitor her temperature. Worst of all I don’t think I’m good enough or able to protect her from all the dangers of the world. I feel like the biggest failure for this.
I suffered bad PND after my first born, I would go days with no sleep in the fears she would die, noone could have her and I would put on a front if anyone was holding her, incase anything happened I was having a silent breakdown inside. My 2nd came along not long after and it was like a double whammy. I was sent to counselling but it never helped and I never got any form of reassurances. I’m 5+ years deep. I’m still struggling every day. There’s days I just want to give up, but I have to sit and tell myself that no matter how much I feel like that my kids need me.
I don’t even know how to explain this but for some reason I feel like my baby girl isn’t my baby girl. We went out to a bazaar and some random lady grabbed my baby’s arm and kept walking, she didn’t look at me or said a word but ever since that happened I’ve been feeling disconnected from my baby girl. I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my daughters spirit switched with that lady and now I look at her and think that some random lady is living in her body. I can’t shake it off my head. I know it’s crazy but I just want these thoughts to go away. Now I’m trying to compare to see if she acts like she always would act but it’s like my head wants to see something else. My head wants to find something different about her. My head wants to believe this actually happened so badly, I don’t know what to do.
If I ever leave her with someone else, I’ll come back and she’ll love them more than me. I am not important to my baby and she has no idea who I am. Therefore I can never, ever leave her.
I fantasied about just waking out and away from my baby. I dreamed of the thoughts my husband would have about me when I was gone such as “oh, she really DID do a lot”… “why did I ever think this would be easy?”… “holy cow I should have appreciated her so much more”
Some days I wonder if something will happen to me while it’s just she and I home and she will be all alone screaming to be cared for while I lay lifeless on the floor. I think about how many hours will go by before my husband will be able to get to her, feed her, comfort her.
My baby loves the front facing body carrier, it’s the only way to pleasantly take her for an outdoor walk. Every time I get ready for our walk I picture tripping, falling and crushing her between the pavement.
I wanted to kill my son for some sleep I was so tired, so depressed and I thought my husband would want to do the same I’m so happy I had a moment where I saw some clarity and called the cops on myself. I had no idea what ppd looked like until that moment and I was so scared of failing as a mum I hid those thoughts for way too long
The first nights I imagined how I could give the baby up for adoption.
I get so irrationally angry at everything. I’m 16 months post partum but it feels like it all just happened so fast and I’ve enjoyed none of it. I just want to scream but I’m too tired. I just started therapy and it seems to be going well, but is this the answer? Or, am I always going to feel this way? Detached and emotionless. I want to be a good mom, I want to be a GREAT mom, I just don’t know how.
Sometimes when my threshold is so low i think about killing myself and my baby. i think about jumping off a bridge with my baby in my arms. i don’t want to think this way and it breaks my heart to, but it happens when i feel overwhelmed.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret