#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My three year old woke up and told me she could feel her heart beat. So I listened and the beat seemed irregular. I instantly imagined her in a tiny coffin dead from an undiagnosed heart condition I could have prevented. I saw myself distraught and throwing away my relationships. I would never be the same again.
We live on the second floor, and I can see him tumbling down the stairs hitting his head on each step, and falling onto the concrete.
I had thoughts that I was going to go crazy and kill my daughter I would see news about mother’s killing their children and think what if I do something like that then I began to think I would kill commit suicide it is horrible I get so nervous around her.
My 4.5 month child causes me the most discomfort during what seems to be an incredibly long and fruitless teething process- so much so that I’m ashamed that his smiles mostly do not bring happiness to me anymore. I am scared of feeling nothing for myself, I’m scared of becoming numb.
I’m a mom of 3. 3month old, 2y4m and 4 year old boy. We have good days. Decent days and bad days. Bad days bring me to my limits and i get thoughts of just running away. I cry with anger from the continuous mess and the pees my middle one keeps doing all around the house. I get scary thoughts of what if i just snapped and slapped one of them from misbehaving. Then i cry and hate myself for even thinking about that. Id never act upon it but the thoughts happen and its horrible.
It started with being convinced that my daughter would quit breathing, so I stayed awake all night and watched her. I was convinced SIDS would happen. I was sure she’d suffocate in her swaddle so I checked it over and over. As sleep deprivation got worse I was convinced no one could take care of her but me. Eventually after weeks of very little sleep I went into a psychotic episode. I was convinced my husband was trying to hurt her and me. Then I was convinced he was trying to poison me. He wasn’t by the way. Sweetest man I’ve ever known. I overcame the psychosis and started feeling so good. Then new intrusive ocd thoughts came. All of me killing or harming my beloved daughter. Everything you can think of … knives, oven, microwave, cars, washing machine, breaking her neck, throwing her, smothering her, pushing her stroller down a cliff. I was ashamed and terrified and my husband was terrified too. She is 3 months and I am in the thick of this. I don’t want to do any of these things and the thoughts haunt me. I am on medication and also seeing an amazing therapist. I’m getting better, but it’s a battle. And it’s a labyrinth getting through. I truly never knew it could be this hard for us.
My baby is 3 months old and I’ve suddenly started developing the thought of covering her face. It scares me to death as I would never harm my sweetie.
I feel like I’m damaging my baby daughter with my behaviour. I get so angry and overwhelmed so often. I am so tired of being at home all of the time and I’m angry at the world for not having more support. Tonight she wouldn’t stop pinching me as I breastfed her to sleep and after 40mins of it, I just lost it and left her crying. In that moment, I just didn’t care about her.
I feel like I’m damaging my baby daughter with my behaviour. I get so angry and overwhelmed so often. I am so tired of being at home all of the time and I’m angry at the world for not having more support. Tonight she wouldn’t stop pinching me as I breastfed her to sleep and after 40mins of it, I just lost it and left her crying. In that moment, I just didn’t care about her.
My baby rolling onto her front in her sleep and suffocating
Does my mom rage make me abusive? I yell, throw toys across the room and then cry and beg my children to forgive me. Is this how they’ll remember me? Have I broken them already?
I kept thinking I would hurt my baby, unintentionally. Like I would drop a pot of boiling water on her, hit her with a pan or swerve into traffic. I also had nightmares that my child was being molested.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret