#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I never use to worry as much as I do now but walking alone with my 8 month old makes me so anxious I think of the possibilities of someone trying to grab me or do something to me and my son will be left there helpless or they might do something to him aswell. I get so anxious that I don’t want to leave to exercise even though I know walking is good for my mental health.
I have urges to roughly handle my baby when he is upset, crying or being difficult, especially while feeding. On occasions I have held him too strongly with force or force my boob in his mouth with frustration. Or put him down on bed a bit with a force. I am scared what if mistakenly harm my child. Sometimes I think I do things in haste and think afterwards what if this had gone wrong and I ended up harming him in someway.
When my baby won’t stop crying I’ve had thoughts of suffocating her
Not so much what specifically will happen to him but that hell die. I just saw a sock he dropped and thought how I would stare at it if he died and mourn him forever.
I check on my toddler playing in the garden every 5 minutes in case she climbs over the gate and runs into the road. I had a dream I stabbed her and saw her dying face and I am so traumatised and disturbed by that I don’t like scissors and knives in easy reach of anyone I also worry I’ll skip down the stairs holding her or she will climb over the stairgate and fall I worry somebody will walk into the garden and take her I worry her teeth are all rotting I worry she hates me I worry she will undo her seatbelt while in her carseat then we have a crash and she goes through windscreen and dies I worry she will climb onto something, fall and hit her chin and get heavy bleeding from her mouth I worry someone may try to take her while we are out walking or a dog may attack her.
I worry I might take my eyes off her a split second too long I worry I worry so much I worry I’m a bad mum
My babies are 8 months old and we have NEVER bed shared with them, however, most nights I wake up a few times because I am paranoid about rolling over and crushing them. Or kicking them. Or suffocating them. All accidentally of course, but in my delirious state in the middle of the night, I actually have to feel around and make sure they aren’t in the bed because I accidentally brought them in with me or something- even though I’ve never done that before.
I don’t like windows being open at night in case my toddler wakes up, I don’t hear and she climbs out an open window and falls to her death. I also don’t like walking next to boatyards in case she falls in and gets sucked under a boat and the water is so dark and murky I can’t find her.
I was afraid to lay my daughter in her bassinet. Worried she would spit up and choke, I put her in a seat that rocked next to my bed or the couch. I hated leaving her alone, or even going into the next room if I was unable to have eyes on her. Afraid that I would find her unresponsive or cold and lifeless. I still have these fears. EVERY. DAY. I am afraid to go back to work because I don’t want that bond that we have to crumble. She’s 5 months old. She is my purpose for everything that I do.
I am 33 weeks pregnant and I keep getting this voice in my head telling me that my baby will not survive, Its driving me crazy and keeping me from enjoying my pregnancy, I trust in the Lord that my baby will be healthy and fine but this thought keep getting to me, its on my mind in the mornings, all day and at night, every time I get excited about the arrival of my baby, this thought keep popping up, I need help please its really driving me crazy.
One time, I was cutting up a potato while my infant daughter napped in her crib in the next room. As soon as I sliced into it, she awoke with an absolutely blood-curdling scream. I became convinced that I was actually cutting her up and was hallucinating that it was only a potato. Even after my husband came in and was holding her and taking care of her, I couldn’t shake it. I literally stopped cutting anything at all for MONTHS because I was terrified I would somehow confuse baby and food-preparation. I didn’t microwave or bake anything, either, for the same reason.
I’m terrified that my baby will die young. When I see young children I will sometimes start to cry cause I’m worried my baby won’t be alive at their age.
Breastfeeding was going terribly- he couldn’t latch. Once deciding to formula feed I became obsessed with making sure the baby bottles were clean. I had thoughts to put bleach in the baby bottles. I was terrified, I refused to feed my son after that My family and myself decided I needed to get treatment, it was life changing. I still remember the first time I told a friend of my intrusive thoughts, the look of horror on her face really set me back. I want to #stopthestigma #speakthesecret
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret