#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I constantly worry that my baby is going to get a life threatening illness like leukemia or cancer. I have googled all the symptoms so that I know what to look out for. I have images in my head of him in the hospital and the doctors saying that there is nothing they can do- I can see him attached to machines with tubes. I am convinced he won’t live past his first birthday. I am worried I will wake up and find my baby dead in his cot. I am worried that birth caused some trauma that will make me infertile and I won’t be able to have any more kids, and as I am convinced my baby will not live past his first year I keep having images of being deeply depressed because of this.
I’m always scared one day I’ll snap and hurt my daughter despite her being the absolute love of my life. I would never actually hurt her so I don’t know why I get these thoughts. Reading other moms confessions really helped to know I’m not the only one.
I get anxiety when I put my car in park or have my foot on the brake. Sometimes I think that I’m going to accidentally excel into traffic.
I keep thinking my baby is going to die. Whenever he is being held above a hard surface I keep seeing it in my head how he falls to the ground and smacks his head. I also am afraid to get him vaccinated in fear that it will cause him seizures. I just can’t stop worrying all of the time about everything, and anything that I’m worried about a picture in my head.
I feel very sad when I feel this way, I feel like hurting my baby like wrapping my hands around his neck but I don’t I stop because I can’t live without him. I love him so much and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I need help but I’m nervous I’m scared they’ll take my baby away.
I imagine to let my daughter falling off from the balcony. And i feel an incredible pain into my chest every time i visualize this horrible thing. I fear it will become true.
I keep having thoughts of tossing my newborn Daughter off of my balcony and how sad it would be and how I’d miss her smile. I think it’s the pressure of her life being 100% in my hands and feeling overwhelmed as a single parent. I’ve locked the balcony door and won’t go out there anymore.
I have hit “the Wall” and was so exhausted and over my limit that I couldn’t do one more minute of care. It is then and only then that I envisioned killing her. The ways I would do it are to knife her and light her on fire. I could NEVER really kill her. I had a baby at 50 years old. I am now 53. I love her too much. I know to just respond to her and let my thoughts wander and emotionally rest. I then calm down and enjoy motherhood again.
Whenever my daughter screams, you know, the relentless kind of inconsolable crying overtired babies with teething pains are prone to, I get extremely violent thoughts against myself. I see flashed of me hitting myself in the head until I die, slitting my own throat, etc. They’re very graphic and very detailed. They terrify me.
I would visualise tripping off the balcony while holding my baby daughter. Locked the balcony door and never went close to it for months. When felt overwhelmed I would also try to visualise how it would fee if I dropped off by myself, thinking this could stop the pain but still felt sad of leaving my baby behind… Really tough period and lack of husband’s emotional and physical support made it worse (he would try to make me snap out of it since his mother telling me ot was normal to feel a bit sad) We need more awareness about this issue.
I was filling up my 3 year olds bath while holding my new born. I thought what if I dropped the baby in the bath. Then I thought about how awful I would feel. I love her so much. It scared me so bad I got up quickly and turned the bath off. Then told myself out loud to “stop it”.
I once heard of a mom carrying her baby down the stairs in the middle of the night and dropping them. The baby didn’t survive. Now every time I carry my newborn down the stairs these graphic visualizations come into my head and scare me beyond all belief. I hate walking the stairs with my baby. I hold them as tightly as I can and I walk as slow as possible trying to block out unwanted scenarios. This makes me so sad.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret