#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My baby is less than a week old and I was telling her how much I love her more than anything in the world and this voice in the back of my head told me to strangle her. But I would never do anything to hurt her. I told my partner and now he doesn’t trust me around my own daughter. I feel crazy.
I’m a few weeks until my due date and I have a reoccurring image of my throwing my baby against a wall.
I’m pretty sure I have/have had postpartum rage the past few months. Sometimes it feels like I try so hard to show no anger and nothing but patience to my baby, that everyone else around me gets any frustrations I have bottled up inside. It fills me with guilt that I feel rage the quickest over even the tiniest things that my husband does. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t notice that I’m struggling here. I feel burnt out. I haven’t been away from my baby longer than 2 hours since they were born, I literally haven’t gotten any sort of break. And I can’t ask him, because he’s already tired when he gets home from work and needs a break from work. So I keep up being a mom 24/7, while having all of this continue to build up inside me. I’m afraid that this anger I sometimes get is going to rub off onto my baby. I’m afraid I’m becoming a toxic person.
Hello I’m a mother and my son is 13 days old and I’ve been scared that he is seeing ghost or something is scaring him because he constantly fights the air and he cries as if he is being hurt and me as a mother feels scared for him I try to comfort my baby and let him know he is okay but he still seems to cry and this is after he has been changed and feed I just feel like something is wrong and I feel helpless like I can’t help. My baby and it hurts to see him feel this way.
CONSTANTLY worried that I won’t be able to save my 2 year old son from all the possible dangers of the world – accidents, diseases, natural disasters, sex trafficking or kidnapping, bullying/racism, tripping down the stairs, building crashing down… You name it! I cannot watch an action or apocalyptic movie or series without imagining how to save ny baby if the situation happened in real life. I feel so exhausted and powerless mentally, like I am a bad/unworthy mother for not being able to assure my child’s safety from ALL possible dangers that can, or will exist in the world.
Baby has oral thrush, he’s going to die. I knocked his umbilical cord, he’s going to die. He sneezed 4 times in a row, he’s going to die. He hasn’t pooped all day, he’s going to die. It feels like every little thing is the end of the world right now, 10 days postpartum.
My son was born in February of 2020, he is a beautiful, bright, independent, and rambunctious addition to our little family. He is just about everything a person wants in a child! I had a very low risk pregnancy with no issues minus the heart burn and swollen feet. February being the height of COVID closures and isolations bringing a new baby home was a tough thing. I was on 4 months of maternity and my partner was working three (3) jobs to keep up with our bills in additions to our savings. I spent most of my time home alone with my little man, in the quiet of my home and what felt like trapped in my own head. My son was a comparatively easy baby to handle, easy to latch, change, bathe, put down for naps, but no matter how easy things were or how comfortable I felt – I couldn’t help but imagine the worst thoughts. Asleep in his bassinet I would see him blue and lifeless, walking across the house holding him I would see myself trip and kill him, feeding him I would see him choke and there be nothing I could do – to just name a few of the multitude of the reoccurring terrors I see behind my eyes. I see them when I am sleeping, I see them when I am awake, I see them at work, and even when my baby safely sleeps in my arms. We have just celebrated his 8mo birthday and I still struggle with rushes of imagery behind my eyes. I know I am a good mom, I do my very best, sometimes when I lay awake at night. relive the days events, I think of all the terrors that lurk outside my arms. I wish for my babies safety. even though he is snuggled safely in my arms. I know I am a good mom but the world is a scary place. I know I am a good mom but my head is a scary place.
I kept seeing myself walking to the top of the stairs and dropping the baby down. I also had visions of myself pushing the stroller out into traffic.
I thought I knew that scary thoughts/worrying were normal — what good mom wouldn’t worry about outside harm happening to her perfect baby? What I wasn’t ready for was intensely graphic visions/thought images of the harm happening to baby because of me or my husband (What if I just threw her down the basement stairs? Then she’d stop crying. What if I just don’t go to her when she’s hungry for a few days? Then I could sleep — I could even use ear plugs! What if he puts her in the woodstove instead of the firewood? These are the actually scary thoughts.
Keep having intrusive thoughts of my my baby, my 7 year old and other babies being sexually abused by men. Like being forced to perform oral on them. It makes me so sick I can’t even sleep I even have dreams about it.
I had repeated fears of losing control in my sleep and murdering my family without knowing it. I went so far as to get rid of knives and ask my husband to lock anything dangerous in a safe.
Feeling like someone wants to take my child from me .and I won’t ever see him again.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret