#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
When she’s feeding at night STILL I envision going into the garden and screaming at the top of my lungs and kicking the crap out of a chair. Or think about slamming doors and screaming until I have to voice left. I see myself loose it and smash things up, I think the only thing that’s stopping me is the cost to replace anything I break and my street hearing me. I pick her up and swore at her and try with all my energy to not hurt her and instantly feel bad and cry for thinking it could ever get to that. I just want sleep!
I think this PD is all I have ever known and this is just life in lockdown with a baby…… I’ve never spoken to another mum in person for long enough until yesterday. Now I realise I’m perhaps not very well and need to make some changes.
I was so excited to drop my son off in his preschool class. Just because he was annoying me all weekend. I feel like a failure that I allow the negative feelings cloud the relationship I could have with my amazing preschooler. But I feel like I’m drowning
I worry I can’t trust my thoughts, I don’t know what’s me and what’s the depression I imagine taking my baby and leaving her on my parents door step and just driving….. driving so no one can find me
I’m afraid to discipline my toddler. I’m afraid I’ll hit him and won’t be able to stop, and imagine myself smacking him over and over. When I put him in his room for a time out, I imagine throwing him in there. Then I cry because what kind of a mother thinks things like that?
I have a high risk pregnancy and ive been sick for going on 2 days now but they have been horrid. Today my husband got mad because the card machine at walmart failed and he kept blaming my card. He yelled at me and when we got to the car he got impatient when waiting to get out so drove wrecklessly through the parking lot. I get home as he was yelling at me because i wanted to sit down because im pregnant amd sick. All i could think was is there a way to end it and not hurt my baby? They dont deserve this but i give up. I cant keep doing this and i have no where to go.Everyday I have fears of losing my unborn baby. I also fear losing my 2 boys.
Everyday I have fears of losing my unborn baby. I also fear losing my 2 boys.
I woke from a dream(I think, but unsure as it happened so fast and it’s paranoid me), and I saw my 9 month old daughter lifeless and not breathing so I picked her up and repeatedly said her name and once I saw her eyes open and close calmly I laid her across my chest and sat there terrified and unable to go back to sleep with the anxiety and fear of losing her to SIDS or something out of nowhere.
After days of sleep deprivation, I felt like I was a failure as a mom, and that it wasn’t something I am capable of doing. But I was (and still am) terrified of telling anyone just how dark and bad my thoughts are because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m a bad mom too and take my baby away. The worst is that when the thoughts get so bad, I kind of wish someone would take my baby away, or I just run away and never come back.
Thoughts of shaking or smothering my baby would linger during major sleep deprivation. When they occurred, I called to schedule an appointment with a therapist, only to be told that they have a 4 to 6 month waiting list. Makes me feel so helpless and hopeless.
I’m scared of my baby being kidnapped and Trafficked . It’s been happening a lot in surrounding towns and areas . It’s all over Facebook . I’m absolutely terrified I’ve stopped going out side completely, I know it sounds stupid but I’m really scared.
My brain goes on crazy tangents since the birth of my twins 7 months ago. They were born early at 32 weeks and spent a month in the NICU and ever since then I am consumed with guilt. They are doing amazing now, healthy, happy and caught up to singletons born around the time of their due date.What I’m left with are horrible, terrible worrisome thoughts that plague me and cause me endless amount of worry. I imagine an intruder breaking in my House in the middle of the night and trying to hurt them. I imagine myself throwing my body between the intruder and them only to feel like I felt and he gets to them anyway. I picture them falling on concrete, being kidnapped from school, I picture people hurting them with weapons and for some reason I am always trying and failing to keep them safe.The imagery is unthinkable and I always wonder why? Why am I having these thoughts? How can I make them go away? I have a vivid imagination so it makes it worse. Sometimes these thoughts are so bad I hold my breath until I can get in the shower and cry. My babies are my entire life. I waited 37 years to have them so I could give them the life they deserve. The life my mother never gave me. The worry I feel for them on a daily basis is crippling.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret