#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
We moved during the pandemic, I was forced to leave my job and now I am a stay at home mom of two boys. My eldest is 11 and youngest just turned 2. I don’t think I ever recovered from PPD and now though never diagnosed I know I have anxiety and it’s all the fears that I have is flooding my mind. My husband works and assumes that I am doing well because I get to stay at home with the kids. We often speak on me needing me time but it never materializes. I constantly feel like I am losing my mind. Everyday it’s a struggle to keep sane as I look for a job, try to make the little money we have left last, balance being a mom, teacher, parent and wife. Today was a rough day and tomorrow doesn’t look too bright either.
If I die today are there enough photos of me and my girls together so they remember me?
In the middle of the night, after my newborn crying every time I tried to put her in the bassinet for hours, I gave her to my partner and fell asleep imagining all the ways I could commit infanticide.
When I get the chance, I will get in my car alone and drive for hours aimlessly. In this silence, I think about how I’ve screamed at my kids, how I’ve failed them, and how they deserve more. I often need to pull over to the side of the road after realizing I’ve been sobbing uncontrollably and don’t know where I am or what I’m doing.
Every time someone offers to hold my baby when he’s fussing, or picks him up before I get the chance I feel like it’s because I’m not doing a good enough job. And everyone can see it but they don’t want to tell me I’m a terrible mom.
Sometimes as my baby cried I had thoughts that I would cover his mouth with my hand until it stopped.
My baby would be better off with my mother or mother-in-law. I am going to be unsuccessful at this.
My milk supply is decreasing at 7 weeks and if it were way back in the day my baby would die because I’m not producing enough food for him… I feel terrible I don’t have that bond with him anymore. Will he think I’m not his mom anymore?
I thought I might forget my baby outside in the cold, what would happen when my husband came home to find her so cold or blue and lifeless in the pram and that the only way that would happen is if something happened to me so my husband would find us both lifeless.
If I go outside I will catch Covid and die while passing it to all my family and no one will be able to care for my baby.
If I tell the doctor I feel depressed something bad will happen to my baby.The NHS is responsible and will hurt us if I am on their radar. She will fall and need to go hospital What if I choke while we eat lunch or breakfast She chokes What if she falls or I drop her and pass out at the sight of blood What if Someone else harms her no one else can protect her, I’m the only person who will guarantee her safety. It’s just me and my baby and I’m doing the best I can but it’s not good enough. I get angry and she doesn’t want to be near me…. I couldn’t blame her. I worry I may never get better as long as Covid restricts my self help strategies. I think about what will happen if I don’t get better…. what will happen if Covid doesn’t get better or the vaccine fails or has negative side effects and my baby has to grow up in a world like ‘i am legend’ is the world really coming to an end?!
Throughout four children in the span of 5 years, I have grown more and more anxious and irritable. I get angry and nitpick things that make them children sometimes its like I don’t realize that they aren’t things small children can do yet. Haven’t gone in for fear of my children being taken away from me. Heard horror stories from my mom.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret