Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts

Despite me not being a mother, as a teenage older brother for my new baby brother, I’ve started having scary thoughts influenced by some media I’ve seen. I sometimes worry at night if my baby brother will be abducted and held for ransom or if he might hurt himself. Admittedly I’ve never felt this way with my other younger brother as we grew up only a year apart and I see him as more of a friend. Anytime I see depictions in media like TV shows of child being harmed in any way I worry about my baby brother. I can’t seem to find any other teenage boys having these thoughts or being in this kind of situation, but I often confess to my parents about these thoughts for them to help reassure me that my baby brother is safe, which helps me sleep better at night.

I always have this eerie feeling like I have limited time with my newborn son like at any given moment he’s going to die that he wasn’t meant to survive and I never had these feelings or thoughts with my first born From there, I was able to heal. Second born I imagined throwing on a fire, while swaddled, and envisioned the flame engulfing him. Second time was still difficult to cope with, but at least I have some understanding to help heal again.

My baby choked breastmilk thrice. And he vomits milk once in a while..i am scared to give my baby to others specially after feed thinking that they wont be keeping him upright rather make him lie down easily and he may vomit and following that may choke up and die. I am scared that others cant identify or act fast in the situation. Being a doctor myself and knowing the worst case scenarios ,i feel its so difficult to relax and even sleep when my baby is being taken care by other people. They are trying to help me have asleep time but my mind is constantly worried about him.

When we go to the mall as a family, I’m terrified someone will remove her from her stroller and throw her off the second floor railing, so we stay on the first floor throughout our visit. I’m terrified that my in laws will hurt my baby. I’m scared I will pass on mental illness to my daughter. Whenever I hear of a scary medical diagnoses in a baby or young child, I freak out and think of the possibility of my daughter getting sick or getting into a horrible accident. I’m scared that if she ends up an only child and never gets married or has children, she will end up all alone after we are gone. I’m scared that my sisters-in-law will get a hold of her one day and fill my child’s head with terrible lies about me. She has no relationship with them but I’m scared they will come around when she is older. I don’t post pictures of my daughter online because I’m afraid someone will save her pictures for something disgusting.

I’ve had OCD before from a traumatic event. I was afraid I’d want to stab someone with any sharp object. It made me so sick every time that my stomach was constantly in knots. I haven’t had those thoughts for years, but now that I’m a new mom I now have those thoughts that I will want to hurt my baby. I luckily have talked to my physician about getting back on meds. They haven’t kicked in yet, but I know the helped last time. Don’t be afraid to talk about it and get help.

When my son was first born I would have images of him being buried alive, or a dog getting into our house and taking him. They were very vivid and came from nowhere. The thoughts gradually went away once I explored them and talked to my family about them. Since then, and with being in lockdown for so long, I have become extremely cautious of strangers. I imagine my son being taken and murdered if I take my eyes off him for a second. I obsess about real cases where children have been kidnapped and sometimes I cannot get the thoughts out of my head. I’m only at ease when my son is awake and I can see him. I even lock my doors when we’re at home, just be sure.

I’m terrified that someone will hurt my baby if I am not there to protect her all the time. It makes the idea of leaving her at day care or with a baby sitter completely unbearable.

I keep getting a picture in my mind’s eye of accidentally tripping while carrying my baby and landing on her, or accidentally falling and landing on her while she’s on the floor on her play mat.

I was never meant to be a mom. This was the worst decision of my life. I don’t know if I can actually do this I think I should give him up for adoption someone else can love him better.

I regret not having an abortion. But I love him soo much but I’m 27 no nothing transmission just blew. I’m going to fck this kids life up or go crazy. I should of aborted and just stayed alone forever. But I don’t mean it. But I think about the what if’s all the time. Or selfish things like if I went to jail. Then I’d finally be alone but not really Bc jail would suck. But then also my kid will still be screwed. Life is just very terrifying now thinking of all the possibilities. All I’ve been trying to do since I found out I was pregnant was get things in order and shit just keeps going left. Now there’s this guy on social media saying if you’re 25 or older it’s pretty much over for you . You’ll just be used or not taken seriously. all I can do is be successful and make a bunch of money and it just be us two until I die. That sounds boring and horrible

I found out I was pregnant with twins, then last week they only found one sac on the ultrasound. I felt relief at that there was only one. I’m a SAHM to a 3 yr old, being pregnant with twins with an active 3 yr old just seem more than I can bare. I just don’t know why I feel such relief at a miscarriage mixed with sorrow of losing a baby. It makes me feel even more like a bad mom than I already was.

I’m petrified of my baby girl suffocating, getting hurt. I have horrible dreams at night of accidents that might occur involving my daughter. It’s got to the point that in the night I rarely sleep because I’m watching her to make sure she doesn’t roll onto her face. I keep thinking she will choke on her dummy(I know she won’t but still). The thoughts are consuming my life and I don’t want to sleep because I’m scared.