#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
The thought of leaving my baby with the in-laws terrifies me. I pictured getting a call to say he’d fallen down the stairs and been found lifeless. I pictured him swallowing and choking on the many dangerous objects in their house. I imagined him being left in the bath alone while my mother in law got distracted and he would either drown and be found cold and blue or slip and knock himself out.
Just constant regret in having a child I have to worry about so much, the eating schedule, the pooping, the crying. Sitting at night rocking her to sleep felt like the end of my life. It’s better now that she smiles and giggles. The depression is still there.
I knew that I had the ability and means to harm or kill my baby and/or myself. I desperately didn’t want to but I was terrified that the thought would come into my head and I wouldn’t be able to stop it.
Hi.my baby is 4 month old..my getting worst thoughts..that all the time I feeling like I. Going to die anytime..if any body ache.. anything physical assuming ,I decided that today is my last.day.if I concentrate on my baby..saying everything will be last. I am very scared to go out saying I may faint in bathroom..etc..if I feed my baby I used this was the last feed.if I no more who take care of baby.if my husband died.who will take care of baby..imagine my funeral..with my husband and baby.
I loathed nursing my second child. I didn’t want her on me or near me and I felt I loved my first child more. It took almost a year for those feelings to go away and for me to love her as a mother should love their child. She’s a very happy toddler, but I still worry that I messed her up somehow by not giving her the same love that my order child received.
There is no safe place. It hurts not being able to control myself and my words. It hurts to hurt my children. It hurts and I want it to end.
Am having 2years old boy baby, but am pregnant again, am always irritated but i love my first baby, i did not do anything wrong to my first baby, but i feel that am torturing him,but i did not do anything wrong, i love him alot,my husband advises me every time (plz calm down u r not wrong)but i feel am wrong am a bad mother, i want my first baby to be happy every time.
I feel like i am going to end up not seeing my kids grow up because i feel like i’m loosing hope on getting better. everyday it’s a struggle with these thoughts & i just cant get better i do so good and then boom i’m out of it again.
That I will stab him with a knife or find him dead in his crib in the morning. Every time I leave for work, I am worried it will be the last time I see him alive.
Every night my almost 3 month old gets inconsolable and I’m so tired and don’t know how to help her and sometimes I get so frustrated that I feel the urge to slap her. These thoughts make me feel afraid that I’m going to succumb to my ppd and hurt her even though I know in my whole soul I never want to hurt her.
Whenever my 2.5 year old won’t stay still and go down for a nap even though she’s exhausted, I fantasize about beating her or shaking her until she listens and leaves me alone for 1 hour. It takes hours for her to fall asleep sometimes and on other days she falls asleep right away. I think of her going away and how much I hate her when she won’t sleep, but the rest of the day is fine.
I honestly think that my 9 month old child was almost abducted at an airport while traveling with my husband and I. It was 4 am and we were checking in with 4 bags and a baby in a car seat. We put our daughter down (we were the only ones at check in) and then a woman out of nowhere picked her car seat up with her sleeping in it and took her to the front of the line and said “She’s mine, I’ve got her” . Scariest moment of my life. I obviously immediately dropped the bags, ran under the railings and quickly grabbed my daughter and said something I can’t remember to the woman as she ran away- I still don’t know what could have happened… but I am convinced that if I hadn’t been looking, she would have been gone in an instant. I have two children now and I can’t and won’t get on a plane with them because of this. I won’t even go near an airport. My husband and I used to travel all the time. When this happened, we were taking our baby (now 4 year) old to St. Thomas. I miss traveling, I want to travel, but I’m terrified.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret