#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I fell like a horrible person even as a mother. I have intrusive/unwanted thoughts about hurting, ending my children’s lives . I think about myself if I’m a bad mother for thinking this that I don’t deserve to be one and that the children don’t deserve me. I’m not suicidal, I feel like I have ptsd from my own mother telling us (her children) that she will kill us. Now I’m a grown up and I feel so bad when I say that to my children. I wish I didn’t scare them I feel alone well I am alone there’s no one to talk to. I’m sick of myself and the way I scare them. I wish I was better and I could just destroy the demon and move on with my life in the lords name my babies deserve love and I deserve to be loved. I wish I can escape the evil and run away with the children change our names and we will be away from those evil people . I really wish gods plan would change for the better for us to be able to live our lives without any type of thoughts I’m scared the thoughts will turn into action I pray for myself I hope we will be able to get away from this and have our freedom from the intrusive thoughts …
I am so scared my baby may be a victim of SIDS I am constantly reading ways to prevent it, I don’t sleep at night and I’m afraid of anyone else holding her. I have purchased two different heart and breathing monitors and I still can’t get over the fear of my baby not waking up. I am afraid of her choking while feeding. I also am afraid of of my baby contracting Covid if we go anywhere.
She’s now 14 months old. Every morning I wake up, lie in bed and I hear her wake up on the baby monitor. My first thought is ‘she’s alive’ . This is every morning. Will this always be my first thought of the day?
Something bad is going to happen. Someone is going to get ill and die. What if it’s her. I can’t live without her. I can’t breath as I think this. My chest feels tight and I can’t catch my breath. The thought makes my whole body ache, physical aching, a deep sorrow as if it’s actually happening. Help. But no one can hear my deep scary thoughts. If I say them out loud it makes them more real or does it just make me sound like I’m over-worrying, over-thinking, being silly. Or is this physical aching and racing thought make me a mum who desperately loves her child?
My intrusive thought is that one day I will scream as loud as I can into my daughter’s ear and she will be scared to death. I have this thought while watching her sleep peacefully.
I got put on medication for being suicidal and having thoughts related to harming my baby. Day 6 of being on meds and my husband was working night shift.. I was afraid to go sleep because I was scared the baby would die and my husband would think I did it.
I had really bad postpartum anxiety the first month after my son was born. I convinced myself I gave him shaken baby syndrome after bouncing him to sleep. I didn’t sleep because I was constantly checking on him. And I had (and still have) severe health anxiety about him, my husband, and myself. I never worried about dropping him, but then a few days ago I accidentally dropped him while multitasking and holding him. He was admitted to the PICU overnight because of it. He is totally fine, but I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this. The one thing I didn’t worry about happened, and now I feel I have to worry about everything to prevent anything like this from happening again. I feel like a horrible mother and can’t stop thinking about the fact that I could have given him permanent brain damage. I’m afraid to ever hold him again. I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts of it happening again and the outcome being worse.
I feel so much shame and guilt from not being able to successfully breastfeed my son that I feel worthless like he’d be better off with out me. I’ve never experienced such heartbreak in my life. We have had feeding problems from the beginning from tongue tie and he was unable to properly latch to now being on formula and he has reflux is just exhausting . I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this guilt. I told my husband my son would be better off with out me as his mom because I’m such a failure being unable to nourish my son. I don’t want to talk to my friends due to fear of being judged. I didn’t eat for two weeks due to the guilt of being unable to breastfeed And I desperately wanted that bond with my son and I feel rejected , worthless , lazy (unable to pump enough to keep up) . Sometimes I wonder if this is karma for my past mistakes. My thoughts get the best of me and I am unable to share my truth with anyone I just want help but am afraid to reach out for it. I want to get better.
During the day I’m always scared of going down steps with him, I fear we would fall and I land on him. At night when I’m sleep deprived I imagine me covering my sons mouth to stop him from crying or moving so much. I would never, but that thought alone makes me feel like shit . My ex fiancé constantly criticizes me when I’m the ONLY one who does nights and soon go back to work. He told me, “I hate how you handle him at night” (all because I said “ugggggh” and woke him out of his beauty sleep) I then imagined myself stabbing him multiple times. I never would but it’s scary how much I can feel that anger towards him.. I hate him more than anything because hes so critical of me.
I have always had great empathy with people who experience sexual abuse, especially children who are so innocent and vulnerable. It hurts my soul and there is nothing else in the world I find more horrific and awful. Therefore I was totally broken when I started having scary thoughts about performing sexual abuse towards my own firstborn child. I got so scared and all the beautiful dreams about the fairytales I would read, the songs i would sing, the clothes she would wear, the trips we would take and the memories we would make bleached. All I could think of was: Why do I have these thoughts? Could I act on them? What is wrong with me? Poor baby got me caring for her! I hate myself!
The thoughts appeared the day after I gave birth, and now 4 months later they are still there. I feel better now, but i still have days where I am worried I will die before they go away. Other days are better and I believe they will be less intrusive with time. I told my mother, my sister, two friends, my husband and I see a shrink, so I know that I want to be better and that I’m trying hard for my beautiful girl. I hope that someday I can look back and not be afraid anymore, and the thoughts will mean nothing!
If you struggle with horrible thoughts, please tell someone you trust! It’s completaly normal, and you can get through it so much better with help!
I am a first time mom and I don’t know why i think that my 10 month old has autism. He is completely normal achieving his milestone. It’s since i saw a video on instagram about autism babies activities i started comparing my baby. I know i’m completely out of mind.I try to stop having these thoughts. I keep worrying about my son weather he is normal or not.
Hoping SIDS takes my 6 week old so I can go back to my normal life.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret