#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Thoughts of dropping baby off on someone’s doorstep. Planning how to give baby away to in laws and move on with life as if I never had a child. One night when baby was crying I imagined suffocating him with a pillow. When I get sleep deprived and baby cries a lot I envision myself shaking or throwing baby. Thoughts are like lightning they come by really fast and I ignore them and feel bad and confused as to why such horrible thoughts cross my mind. Hitting baby’s head while walking through door ways. That I’m being punished by god, my child is here to make like hell. (My baby is the most beautiful thing in this world to me) Random thoughts of crashing my car. I was eating a steak and baby was crying, I then had a vision of stabbing baby with my knife. Checking baby’s formula for poison(no one has been in my home). When checking on baby through his nap I envisioned him dead and felt relieved like a burden was lifted. Baby sleeping with his hands folded and I envisioned him in a casket.
Before I knew I had PTSD, I hated my son and blamed him for his traumatic birth. When I was home alone with him, I constantly envisioned throwing him out the window, and obsessively stared at the clock as my anxiety grew. I have so many pictures with him where I had a smile on my face, but inside I couldn’t stand him. It took me years to actually form a bond with my son.
I had an irrational fear that my oldest will feel like I replaced him. I was terrified during my second pregnancy, had a second son, and everything was okay. Just found out I’m pregnant again and I’m back in the same terrified boat.
I’m scared that I will have an anxiety attack and hurt my baby. I, of course, would never hurt my baby. Hormones suck.
I squeezed my baby close to me and rocked her so hard out of frustration. After I was afraid I gave her SBS. Thankfully she is fine. I have NO INTENTION of ever hurting her, but my sleep deprivation gets the worst of me. 🙁
Sometimes when it’s hard, I wish I could just leave my body and come back at another time, when they’re older and it’s supposed to be easier.
I was a young mom the first time, and child services took my baby without warning while I was still in the hospital. When I was discharged, I left the building with an empty baby carrier and it left me with PTSD. I eventually got my child back a couple years later. Fast forward ten years to when I was having my second child, I was so terrified of going back to the hospital, my anxiety began before I had even given birth. I did all I could to avoid going back to that hospital. When the baby was coming I had to be brought back there, and I can still remember how terrified I felt when they discharged us. I was packing up my things, feeling tense that child services would show up at any moment, only now I wasn’t a young mom and my husband insisted he wouldn’t let anything happen. Even with his reassurance, I was so scared I could barely move. I remember crossing the threshold of the building with the baby carrier in my hand, only this time my son was still there. When I finally got into our car and we drove away, I cried for a long time, and still felt afraid at home that child services would show up again. After everything I had been through the first time, I was convinced for several days that child services was going to come to my house and realize they’d missed me.
My biggest fear with my first baby was that we’d be stuck in traffic and someone would open her door and start hurting her, and I wouldn’t be able to get to her in time to keep her safe. The image of her being punched or stabbed would replay in my head over and over. I would (and still do) lock my car doors as soon as we were in the car. With my second it’s hot water. I will picture him being put into a scalding hot bath and I can hear his screams. It’s pure, pure agony to live with.
I’m scared that I’m going to hurt my baby with his soft spot. I’m scared of giving him permanent damage. Or that I’m going to snap his neck and he’s going to die.
I squeezed my baby close to me and rocked her so hard out of frustration. After I was afraid I gave her SBS. Thankfully she is fine. I have NO INTENTION of ever hurting her, but my sleep deprivation gets the worst of me. 🙁
I’m scared of tripping on the stairs while walking up or down and falling on top of him and crushing him. I’m also scared that if I leave him on the couch someone will sit on him and crush him without realizing it.
What if I’m a monster cause I was molested and i I hurt my baby like my abusers did me. What if my intrusive thoughts about molestation are really my own thoughts.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret