#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I’m scared that because I was abused that I might abuse her too when she’s older. Sometimes I am scared I might throw her against the wall when she won’t stop screaming I never would, and I love her. I feel like I don’t want her at times, or even want her touching me or to hold her. It’s frustrating.
The intrusive thoughts are the worst; it’s like being tortured by your own mind. Thoughts so distressing and disturbing they send you into a panic and make you believe you are the worst of people. Those thoughts are scary, hard to talk about and make you feel ashamed that you can even think of these things. Intrusive thoughts, I’d never heard of them, add the OCD, depression and Anxiety and you fall so fast you don’t know where to go. My first intrusive thought was when my baby was 4 weeks old, he had a slight runny nose and that was it. That was the moment my downward spiral began. Thoughts from him having a runny nose, to getting a chest infection, to needing hospital, to needing intensive care and eventually my baby dying. The anxiety and panic was unbearable, I never slept that night with worry. This is how it began, how that one thought spiraled from my baby just having a runny nose which of course never was any more than that. But this was just the beginning, the intrusive thoughts got worse. From bathing my baby to him accidently drowning, to me actually drowning him, from changing his nappy to thinking I would touch him inappropriately. They were horrendous, the worst things you could imagine happening to your baby were in my head.
Was horribly afraid I would fall down the stairs while carrying her and land on top of her. Including mental images of her tiny crushed lifeless body.
Absolutely exhausted, running on 3 hours sleep for who knows how long… Trying to get an infant to just stop crying and all you can think is “I know why people shake their babies”
Just walking out the front door…and keep walking and not coming back.
Sometimes I think my husband and newborn baby would be better off without me. All I can think about is the possible emotional and psychological damage I’m going to cause him from being around someone so unstable and so unfit as a mother.
My daughter who’s almost a teen committing suicide
While holding my now 2 year old as a newborn, I fantasized about how I would commit suicide.
Not having scissors around my daughter cause I felt I would stab her.
What if I killed him because he cries too much… I am so afraid… I feel ashamed to walk out of the room and leave him crying but sometimes I feel like it’s the only way to keep him safe from me….
Anything to do with dropping my baby, my partner has to get him in/out of the car seat/up and down the stairs because I can’t do it. I fear him being sick in his sleep and choking, it’s extremely exhausting. They seem never ending sometimes.
When trying to put my son down to sleep and he’s restless and squirming I just have the urge to shake him really hard to make him stop. My husband has a herniated disc and can’t help me take care of him so with the chores of the house and stress of having a 10 month old I can’t seem to grasp reality. I know I have a great life and a wonderful son and husband I love so very much but lately I can’t function without having angry outbursts. I feel like my world is caving in and I’m losing control of my life. I know getting fresh air helps me out but sometimes the task of getting ready along with getting my son ready is a daunting task that takes at least 20 minutes to get out the door and with him screaming in my face I just want to punch a hole in the wall.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret