#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Mother of 2. And I feel like I’m loosing myself. Time to myself is basically non existent. I imagine myself running away from my family. Just to get some time. I scream at my kids on the daily. I’m pregnant again and I could only cry when I found out. I think I’m not cut out for this. I breakdown at least once a week. Even just thinking about how I can’t take a walk every day or care for my body sends me down a rabbit hole.
I hate myself for screaming so much and loosing it and being basically hateful. It’s shaming. Alarming. Upsetting and the worst part is knowing psychologically I’m influencing fear and bad habits via example because of my rage. I’m tired. I can’t even spend energy on my husband. We don’t go on dates because I can’t seem to get my shit together enough to plan a damn date. Well. There. Are. some thoughts.
I am not even having enough strength to write. I am sorry. I am crying. I am tired. Life Sucks I know I am blessed with so many things but it’s just not happening. I can’t. I just can’t.
I have been obsessed on-and-off that my baby will develop an insecure attachment. He’s 16 months old now, so we’ve already passed the critical “first year of life” portion, and even though my objective mind can show me all the reasons why this fear isn’t true, it’s always still there in the back of my mind. Today I felt like all week I had somehow disconnected from my baby’s needs: that I could not emotionally connect with him and that everything would be destroyed for him. I know it’s not true, and it’s probably exhaustion + having had to return to work and the workload, but the irrational anxieties and fears still intrude.
Wtf. I cannot fathom how or why this feels good to anyone. I’m working so damn hard. Doing everything “right.” I am tired beyond belief. Really really tired. I am angry. I am resentful. Most of the time I really do love my baby, but sometimes, honestly, I’d rather be anywhere else doing anything other than this. Most days I wonder why I ever thought this was a good idea. Would I do it all again? I’m really not sure.
Constant checking, if my baby will fall, choke, etc
When my baby screaming and arching her back trying not to go to sleep, i have awful thoughts of just dropping her on the floor.
When my baby cries hysterically I imagine squeezing her as hard as I can until she stops.
I read a post about a mother losing her grown child and I immediately burst into tears thinking of all the different ways the world could bring future harm to my baby.
My baby won’t stop crying I want to suffocate her.
I kept having this vision of kicking my baby like a football. Like a field goal. I could see myself standing in the road by my driveway, dropkicking her, seeing her fly through the air and land in the ditch. I could feel the sensation and hear the sounds. I kept wondering if there was any way she would survive that. I told myself I couldn’t ever say that out loud because CPS would take her away. (I don’t even watch football… )
I feel guilty about missing my old life. I resent my friends because I feel lonely and whenever I see them I just want to cry, but I just tell them I’m happy and how inlove I am with my baby. I also resent my couple for having time for himself, even when he goes to work. I miss feeling horny, and feeling sexy and just thinking about sex without fear. I’m scared of having sex and the only two times I’ve tried I ended up crying.
When my son was first born I had a terrible fear that I might drop him over the balcony, This made me terrified to go on the balcony and it made me hold him tighter and I avoid taking him on the balcony all together. I also have an extremely difficult time taking him in his stroller in fear a car might hit him. I have struggled with ocd all my life and depression and will be seeing a psychiatrist in a couple weeks because of course these thoughts make me feel like the worst mother in the world.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret