#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
The baby being dropped on anything hard – blacktop, concrete, tile, hardwood. I’d sit somewhere tightly clutching the baby while watching the floor down below us slowly turn red and just be unable to shut it off in my head. I’d have to sit down to go up or down some sets of stairs while holding the baby. It was bad while I was holding the baby but the intrusive thoughts were often worse when someone else was holding the baby over a hard floor. They’d come out of nowhere in the middle of the night too. Knives and other sharp objects were also triggers.
Contracting an illness or disease as a result of someone not washing their hands or being hygienic in another way. I had my first during the Ebola outbreak and during flu season. Ultimately, I would fear the worst, that my baby would end up dying from something like this because of other people’s carelessness. I was very strict about others washing hands, etc., and I avoided leaving the house at all, except for appointments, for about three months. It was extreme, looking back.
If I fall asleep the baby will die. If someone else watches the baby while I sleep, I can’t watch them watch the baby, so the baby will be seriously injured or die in someone else’s care… Protective services will take my other children because obviously I shouldn’t be asleep when they are asleep, or awake, or allow them to be cared for by anyone else.
I struggle daily with letting the kids out of my sight, literally. I am consumed with who, where, what may or may not be happening while I am out of eyesight.
My husband doesn’t understand that letting him help is worse than just letting me do it all.
I thought if I bathed the baby on my own, there was a good chance that I’d leave her in there, and walk away.
I thought that I would leave the baby in the car on a hot day.
I thought that if I held the baby in certain ways, with her head resting on my arm, it would only take the slightest movement and it would crush her, or break her neck.
A few weeks before my son was born I saw a black crow smack itself against the window outside his soon to be room, this convinced me something bad was going to happen. I also saw an elderly woman in black walking down my street, saw that as a sign too (like she was a witch)
After I delivered when he was being weighed and measured I thought to myself that I was dying and that he was going to lose his mother, I told the nurses and they checked my vitals.
I wouldn’t let [my mother and father] drive to the shops as I was convinced they were going to be killed in a car accident. They walked but I kept making them ring me to let me know they were ok.
Despite being calm and happy all pregnancy, Post partum hormones kicked in on top of sleep deprivation and I became so anxious. I thought my anxiety would spread to my baby so didn’t want her to be near me. I thought I was toxic and ruined. I would pump milk and my husband would feed her. I cried all the time and thought she she had chosen the wrong mum. A year down the track I can see this is all nonsense and I am one of the lucky ones who received so much help and support to recover. But those thoughts are powerful and intrusive.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret