#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
My scary thought is that my baby doesn’t love me and know I’m his mum and that I might as well be dead if this is the case.
I had visions of pushing or throwing my three sons (then 5, 3, and 6 weeks old) down the stairs.
Image of babies flying across the room like a football.
My thoughts were throwing the newborn off a pedestrian bridge into highway traffic. They were smashing the baby’s head on that table…6 years later I still have intrusive thoughts.
I had repeated flashes that my daughters mouth was a wooden nutcracker dolls mouth and that she was squishing/cracking my nipple while breastfeeding. However, I was experiencing NO physical discomfort while breastfeeding. In my imagination it was like a Chucky doll that looked like a nutcracker but with my daughter’s eyes. I also imagined her mouth like a lamprey eel’s mouth. I continued breastfeeding for several weeks while having these intrusive thoughts. It wasn’t until I hadn’t slept in 3 days and could not stop crying that I scheduled a doctors appointment to get some help.
These are a bit more simple and trivial than the others but were so distressing at the time. I could not make dinner. Completely unable to focus to put ham on a plate, boil some potato and microwave some corn. I didn’t know where to start. The distress that caused me was huge. I was unable to put my daughter to sleep. Not in the she wouldn’t sleep kind of way, she would sleep, but I could not go through the process of dinner, bath, book and bed by myself. I had no idea what to do, how to persuade her to get into the bath. So upsetting. Tight chest. Couldn’t breathe. Pounding heart.
My thoughts were throwing the newborn off a pedestrian bridge into highway traffic. They were smashing the baby’s head on that table.
I am afraid I don’t like my kids. I am afraid that they don’t like me. I am afraid that I am not good enough.
I would vividly, in great detail, imagine my own child in child abuse scenarios from the news. I would imagine my child’s face, screams, and suffering and feel like there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
Sleep deprived and overwhelmed, I pictured myself throwing my crying baby down. (This distressed me the most because I would NEVER hurt her and I felt like a terrible mother for that image crossing my brain.)
We stayed in a vacation house with a loft and I kept picturing my toddler daughter flying right over the ledge and smashing onto the floor below.
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret